[It hurts to hear that, since he recognizes what she's doing. It's what he was doing earlier by telling himself that things were better if he wasn't there. Maybe technically it was true: Yuuto was a Distortion. He is dangerous. Everyone would be better off if he wasn't.
That doesn't mean that he likes it.
Knowing they have this coping tactic in common, Yuuto decides not to push hard. He'll let Inaba lead.]
It still becomes part of 'you.' And imagining you suffering is...
[Yuuto can feel his heart breaking again. When he thought she was a corpse, he had known she would come back. It didn't make it any better.]
[Yuuto finally looks up. He still can't cry, but he sure looks like he should be.]
That's not true. You don't deserve it.
[Ugh, he hates himself when he gets like this. Why can't his emotions be convenient? He's troubling her again. Yuuto covers his face, trembling through what should be tears.]
That much she knows. They'll end up going into circles--this isn't any argument to win or lose, for better or for worse. She lets out a sigh, her nervous tic of chewing her nail showing before glancing away and getting up from her seat. ]
I'm going back upstairs.
[ She says it as an announcement, but it's more like she's going to shut herself in again. ]
[Yuuto gasps and lowers his hands, standing to follow her. He knows what she really means to do and it’s the last thing that he wants. His mind is beginning to race with panic. The idea of losing Inaba again is terrifying.]
I-I won’t say it anymore, I’m sorry!
I deserve what’s happening to me too. [And no one can convince him otherwise.
Yuuto begins checking his pockets for his flashdrive. Once he has it, he holds it out.]
Which is why you don’t have to worry about that in this world. I get it now. So I’ll be able to send you home very soon. Here.
She can feel her heart sink at his words, but then again... who is she to talk? She doesn't deserve to say this, and yet, her mouth moves to argue-- ]
You're wrong.
[ But she reaches for the flash drive, taking it. ]
If you deserved what was happening to you, you wouldn't have all these people who care about you so much. I'll kick your ass if you say that about yourself again.
[ She's almost jealous of him. But that's not something she'll say aloud. ]
[Hearing that, Yuuto wishes he could cry. He drops the flashdrive into her hand and laughs quietly in the place of tears.]
I know… Isn’t it terrible of me? Something as empty and meaningless as me is going to hurt so so many people. My curse is spreading.
[Though he doesn’t know her thoughts, Yuuto isn’t ashamed to admit to jealousy in this case-]
I’m so jealous of you, Inaba. You have people waiting for you… You live a life where everything that you do and everyone you meet matters. Your life is so beautiful… I could have spent hours with you and never gotten bored. I wish you could see how precious ‘you’ are.
But ‘I’ am not like that. I have no home to go to or anyone who is waiting for me. ‘I’ am empty.
[People don’t like hearing this. So Yuuto steps back.]
… I guess that’s a lie. I finally have a world and people that I want to protect. I deserve this… but I’m so lucky too.
She grips onto the flashdrive tightly, her head ducked for a moment. This is pissing her off, but if she says something she'll ruin it. She doesn't want to be the one--
But she moves regardless of those negative thoughts that flow in the back of her mind, the frustration bubbling as she attempts to grab him by the collar.
While she doesn't look at him, the way her voice shakes is telling. ]
... Don't fucking say that about yourself.
[ There's something biting in every syllable that she speaks. This time, she won't let go. Because if she does, she knows that he really will go away. But like this, she'll be able to ground him. Or that's what she hopes, anyway. ]
I already said it. I'll kick your ass if you say something like that about yourself. I meant it. So stop, already, with this bullshit. My life is beautiful? Sure, I say I want to go home. And that isn't a lie. I do. But the moment I step back into Yokohama, I'll be playing out the tale that was written for me. I'll have to spend the next couple of months being mentally and emotionally manipulated by some bastard. And once that's all done...
[ She doesn't know. The story ends there. What happens to her? Does she still have a life after that story? Or does the world simply just end? That thought is horrifying, something that she hadn't bothered contemplating until right this very second.
It's there that Inaba takes a step back herself and raises her head.
Her expression is one that's hurt, filled with tears, but at the same time there's a small hint of something else there, too. Determination? It's hard to tell. ]
Anyway. You have people... I can see it, even from the distance. And-- emptiness isn't a bad thing. It just means you have the chance to fill it with whatever you want. You can be whoever you want to be, Yuuto.
[Yuuto is startled when she grabs him by his collar. She’s so small compared to him, but Inaba keeps her word and she manages to be threatening with that determined aura of hers. He lifts his hand to cover hers and acknowledge the message, then remembers what he just said. Trying to connect with Inaba is hurting her. He can’t keep doing that, but he wants to-
Instead he withdraws his hands to cover his Rumor.
Yuuto smiles sadly when she steps away. It stings that she doesn’t understand it, but maybe that’s for the best. Understanding his one hundred year loneliness would be worse than this. And right now, seeing her so hurt, Yuuto can’t contemplate how something ‘worse’ would feel.]
Mm… Mm. I hate it… Ever since we watched those videos, I’ve hated it so much.
[It’s a quiet confession, since ‘hate’ doesn’t usually cross his vocabulary.]
The universe that hurt you… I want to hate it so badly. You keep getting hurt by such unfair things. I worry a lot, but… Mm. You don’t really accept that sort of thing without some sort of fight, huh..?
You’re really… really… so much.
[Yuuto sighs ‘happily’ to vent his heartache. He’s hurting and can’t stop it. The best thing to do is disappear.]
Even though I know I’m hurting you, I want to stay. I wanted to be friends… I wanted to watch you find happiness and know you would be okay.
That’s impossible now, but at least… You’ll be fine without me. I can’t see the future, but I can see it in your eyes.
[He sways from side to side to distract her, hands behind his back, but Yuuto is beginning to use his power to lift their dirty dishes and move them into the kitchen. He isn’t about to leave without cleaning up!]
The same goes for you, right? You can be whoever you want to be… I’m sorry that I’ll miss it. Take care on the way, okay?
[There's a lot that he isn't saying, it's true. He pushes down so many thoughts and feelings, because Yuuto has never known how to deal with them. His life lasts a few weeks at a time. He can't connect with people, so why would he burden them with his emotions? He's learned that he only causes trouble when he's honest, so Yuuto smiles and ignores it. Like everyone else.
He can be empty and no one will ever notice.]
Wait!
[But when she turns to leave, Yuuto snaps. He knows that he should let her go and that he's hurting her, but he reaches out to grab her wrist and hold her in place. When he realizes what he's done, Yuuto's entire mask of smiling and ignoring it falls apart.]
W, wait... wait... please... [He lets go. He's a hypocrite. He's complaining about hurting her while he drives the knife deeper.] I don't want to go.
[Her words cut deep, because he knows that she isn't wrong. His fate seems pretty sealed. He told her himself that he was going to hurt people with that and now he's asking her to stay and be hurt-- while simultaneously asking her to be happy.
He's a hypocrite.
So he changes his tune again when he tightens his grip and tries to tug her back to his side.]
[Does it really bother her that much? Yuuto can't understand it. She has a lot of other people to look forward to seeing again and he sees this as a way to trade himself for that.
He doesn't want to upset her either. Yuuto has to wrestle with a lot of confusing feelings, but he at least makes an effort not to ignore them this time.]
I thought you'd be happier if you got to go home..? You always run away from me. I don't understand anymore.
But I don't want you to leave either..? [His voice trails off. Yuuto still doesn't let go. He still doesn't want a chance to leave.]
[It does very briefly hit him that they have been doing the same thing to each other. The reasoning is a bit different and the same all at once.
Yuuto shakes his head. And though he hates it, his voice shakes when he replies.]
I miss you.
I don’t want to stop being friends. I don’t want to stop helping each other… But it felt like you didn’t want me around.
[He won’t mention that he still has lingering feelings for her, because that’s probably been obvious from how he talks. Yuuto lowers his head in shame. As long as he’s seeing the similarities, he had might as well say all of them.]
I don’t get it anymore… Why everyone gets tired of me and throws me away..? No one needs me or wants me, so… If it helps to go away…
I was a coward. I... was the one that hurt you in the first place, so... I thought it was best to spend time apart. I thought to myself that maybe my feelings were superficial. That maybe I had a fundamental misunderstanding.
[It still hurts to hear, but he’s getting used to it. After everything that has happened with Ryoko and Fauna, now with Taiga, and watching over Kanade… He still has a lot to process, but-]
Mm. And I didn’t want to make things harder for you. I understand now that you were probably hurting just as badly. But… unfortunately…
[He brings his other hand around, now holding her hand gently with his two.]
Having you in my life makes me really happy. I’ve never felt more human than when we’re together. Or more scared of the fate I was assigned…
I can’t let my best friend go so easily. So if you wanted me here… I’ll stay until you’re ready for me to go. I’d do my best, Inaba.
I... was being awful, too. And besides. I already know that sometimes... people are going to do things that will hurt me. I've always known that. That's why I put up my walls.
I forgive you for hurting me. [Best to get that out of the way, so that neither of them are worrying about it.]
Pain is pain... and I knew you were having trouble making other friends and I didn't give you the space that you needed. I was so scared of losing you and being alone. And then I left you alone... I didn't ask properly what you needed. I'm sorry.
I... shouldn't have had any expectations when it came to making friends. This isn't like the Foundation. We're not forced to be in a small place having to interact with each other to figure out who is or who isn't going to kill you, or have to participate in team games to survive.
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[ Her voice shakes. She knows it's all a lie to placate herself. ]
I can just keep coming back, over and over. I'm not human. So it's not awful at all.
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That doesn't mean that he likes it.
Knowing they have this coping tactic in common, Yuuto decides not to push hard. He'll let Inaba lead.]
It still becomes part of 'you.' And imagining you suffering is...
[Yuuto can feel his heart breaking again. When he thought she was a corpse, he had known she would come back. It didn't make it any better.]
I don't think it's fine for you to suffer. Sorry.
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[Yuuto finally looks up. He still can't cry, but he sure looks like he should be.]
That's not true. You don't deserve it.
[Ugh, he hates himself when he gets like this. Why can't his emotions be convenient? He's troubling her again. Yuuto covers his face, trembling through what should be tears.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't agree.
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That much she knows. They'll end up going into circles--this isn't any argument to win or lose, for better or for worse. She lets out a sigh, her nervous tic of chewing her nail showing before glancing away and getting up from her seat. ]
I'm going back upstairs.
[ She says it as an announcement, but it's more like she's going to shut herself in again. ]
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I-I won’t say it anymore, I’m sorry!
I deserve what’s happening to me too. [And no one can convince him otherwise.
Yuuto begins checking his pockets for his flashdrive. Once he has it, he holds it out.]
Which is why you don’t have to worry about that in this world. I get it now. So I’ll be able to send you home very soon. Here.
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She can feel her heart sink at his words, but then again... who is she to talk? She doesn't deserve to say this, and yet, her mouth moves to argue-- ]
You're wrong.
[ But she reaches for the flash drive, taking it. ]
If you deserved what was happening to you, you wouldn't have all these people who care about you so much. I'll kick your ass if you say that about yourself again.
[ She's almost jealous of him. But that's not something she'll say aloud. ]
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I know… Isn’t it terrible of me? Something as empty and meaningless as me is going to hurt so so many people. My curse is spreading.
[Though he doesn’t know her thoughts, Yuuto isn’t ashamed to admit to jealousy in this case-]
I’m so jealous of you, Inaba. You have people waiting for you… You live a life where everything that you do and everyone you meet matters. Your life is so beautiful… I could have spent hours with you and never gotten bored. I wish you could see how precious ‘you’ are.
But ‘I’ am not like that. I have no home to go to or anyone who is waiting for me. ‘I’ am empty.
[People don’t like hearing this. So Yuuto steps back.]
… I guess that’s a lie. I finally have a world and people that I want to protect. I deserve this… but I’m so lucky too.
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She grips onto the flashdrive tightly, her head ducked for a moment. This is pissing her off, but if she says something she'll ruin it. She doesn't want to be the one--
But she moves regardless of those negative thoughts that flow in the back of her mind, the frustration bubbling as she attempts to grab him by the collar.
While she doesn't look at him, the way her voice shakes is telling. ]
... Don't fucking say that about yourself.
[ There's something biting in every syllable that she speaks. This time, she won't let go. Because if she does, she knows that he really will go away. But like this, she'll be able to ground him. Or that's what she hopes, anyway. ]
I already said it. I'll kick your ass if you say something like that about yourself. I meant it. So stop, already, with this bullshit. My life is beautiful? Sure, I say I want to go home. And that isn't a lie. I do. But the moment I step back into Yokohama, I'll be playing out the tale that was written for me. I'll have to spend the next couple of months being mentally and emotionally manipulated by some bastard. And once that's all done...
[ She doesn't know. The story ends there. What happens to her? Does she still have a life after that story? Or does the world simply just end? That thought is horrifying, something that she hadn't bothered contemplating until right this very second.
It's there that Inaba takes a step back herself and raises her head.
Her expression is one that's hurt, filled with tears, but at the same time there's a small hint of something else there, too. Determination? It's hard to tell. ]
Anyway. You have people... I can see it, even from the distance. And-- emptiness isn't a bad thing. It just means you have the chance to fill it with whatever you want. You can be whoever you want to be, Yuuto.
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Instead he withdraws his hands to cover his Rumor.
Yuuto smiles sadly when she steps away. It stings that she doesn’t understand it, but maybe that’s for the best. Understanding his one hundred year loneliness would be worse than this. And right now, seeing her so hurt, Yuuto can’t contemplate how something ‘worse’ would feel.]
Mm… Mm. I hate it… Ever since we watched those videos, I’ve hated it so much.
[It’s a quiet confession, since ‘hate’ doesn’t usually cross his vocabulary.]
The universe that hurt you… I want to hate it so badly. You keep getting hurt by such unfair things. I worry a lot, but… Mm. You don’t really accept that sort of thing without some sort of fight, huh..?
You’re really… really… so much.
[Yuuto sighs ‘happily’ to vent his heartache. He’s hurting and can’t stop it. The best thing to do is disappear.]
Even though I know I’m hurting you, I want to stay. I wanted to be friends… I wanted to watch you find happiness and know you would be okay.
That’s impossible now, but at least… You’ll be fine without me. I can’t see the future, but I can see it in your eyes.
[He sways from side to side to distract her, hands behind his back, but Yuuto is beginning to use his power to lift their dirty dishes and move them into the kitchen. He isn’t about to leave without cleaning up!]
The same goes for you, right? You can be whoever you want to be… I’m sorry that I’ll miss it. Take care on the way, okay?
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Those words.
There's a contrast in them that she picks up on, something that feels final and makes her sick to her stomach. She wants to...
No.
She can't.
She really can't.
So... she's really destined to be alone in the end... isn't she? If that's the case, then... she doesn't want to see it.
So she turns on her heel and just runs. If she goes back up the stairs, she doesn't have to see him leave. ]
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He can be empty and no one will ever notice.]
Wait!
[But when she turns to leave, Yuuto snaps. He knows that he should let her go and that he's hurting her, but he reaches out to grab her wrist and hold her in place. When he realizes what he's done, Yuuto's entire mask of smiling and ignoring it falls apart.]
W, wait... wait... please... [He lets go. He's a hypocrite. He's complaining about hurting her while he drives the knife deeper.] I don't want to go.
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[ Just like always. She can feel her heart sink. ]
If you really aren't going to leave, then you need to prove it to me.
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He's a hypocrite.
So he changes his tune again when he tightens his grip and tries to tug her back to his side.]
Is that what you want? For me to stay?
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[ She doesn't move from where she stands. ]
You're not going to... right?
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He doesn't want to upset her either. Yuuto has to wrestle with a lot of confusing feelings, but he at least makes an effort not to ignore them this time.]
I thought you'd be happier if you got to go home..? You always run away from me. I don't understand anymore.
But I don't want you to leave either..? [His voice trails off. Yuuto still doesn't let go. He still doesn't want a chance to leave.]
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[ She's scared. Always has been.
She's a coward.
She doesn't want him to leave her.
But she can't cling onto him. She knows this. ]
...isn't it better, if I just stayed away?
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Yuuto shakes his head. And though he hates it, his voice shakes when he replies.]
I miss you.
I don’t want to stop being friends. I don’t want to stop helping each other… But it felt like you didn’t want me around.
[He won’t mention that he still has lingering feelings for her, because that’s probably been obvious from how he talks. Yuuto lowers his head in shame. As long as he’s seeing the similarities, he had might as well say all of them.]
I don’t get it anymore… Why everyone gets tired of me and throws me away..? No one needs me or wants me, so… If it helps to go away…
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Mm. And I didn’t want to make things harder for you. I understand now that you were probably hurting just as badly. But… unfortunately…
[He brings his other hand around, now holding her hand gently with his two.]
Having you in my life makes me really happy. I’ve never felt more human than when we’re together. Or more scared of the fate I was assigned…
I can’t let my best friend go so easily. So if you wanted me here… I’ll stay until you’re ready for me to go. I’d do my best, Inaba.
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[Since she isn't coming to him, Yuuto takes a step towards Inaba.]
I'm sorry. I wasn't being a good friend before.
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Pain is pain... and I knew you were having trouble making other friends and I didn't give you the space that you needed. I was so scared of losing you and being alone. And then I left you alone... I didn't ask properly what you needed. I'm sorry.
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[ It's not, but she's brushing it off for now. ]
I... shouldn't have had any expectations when it came to making friends. This isn't like the Foundation. We're not forced to be in a small place having to interact with each other to figure out who is or who isn't going to kill you, or have to participate in team games to survive.
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