[It does very briefly hit him that they have been doing the same thing to each other. The reasoning is a bit different and the same all at once.
Yuuto shakes his head. And though he hates it, his voice shakes when he replies.]
I miss you.
I don’t want to stop being friends. I don’t want to stop helping each other… But it felt like you didn’t want me around.
[He won’t mention that he still has lingering feelings for her, because that’s probably been obvious from how he talks. Yuuto lowers his head in shame. As long as he’s seeing the similarities, he had might as well say all of them.]
I don’t get it anymore… Why everyone gets tired of me and throws me away..? No one needs me or wants me, so… If it helps to go away…
I was a coward. I... was the one that hurt you in the first place, so... I thought it was best to spend time apart. I thought to myself that maybe my feelings were superficial. That maybe I had a fundamental misunderstanding.
[It still hurts to hear, but he’s getting used to it. After everything that has happened with Ryoko and Fauna, now with Taiga, and watching over Kanade… He still has a lot to process, but-]
Mm. And I didn’t want to make things harder for you. I understand now that you were probably hurting just as badly. But… unfortunately…
[He brings his other hand around, now holding her hand gently with his two.]
Having you in my life makes me really happy. I’ve never felt more human than when we’re together. Or more scared of the fate I was assigned…
I can’t let my best friend go so easily. So if you wanted me here… I’ll stay until you’re ready for me to go. I’d do my best, Inaba.
I... was being awful, too. And besides. I already know that sometimes... people are going to do things that will hurt me. I've always known that. That's why I put up my walls.
I forgive you for hurting me. [Best to get that out of the way, so that neither of them are worrying about it.]
Pain is pain... and I knew you were having trouble making other friends and I didn't give you the space that you needed. I was so scared of losing you and being alone. And then I left you alone... I didn't ask properly what you needed. I'm sorry.
I... shouldn't have had any expectations when it came to making friends. This isn't like the Foundation. We're not forced to be in a small place having to interact with each other to figure out who is or who isn't going to kill you, or have to participate in team games to survive.
[He knows that it isn't fine, but doesn't push right now. Yuuto shakes his head.]
I wish I had the answer. I don't understand how to connect to people.
[Despite his initial efforts to let Inaba make friends, it didn't seem to work. Yuuto is still so frustrated with the fact that she hasn't been appreciated like he thinks that she deserves. Hearing what she went through in the Foundation, he's not sure if Inaba knows how to normally make friends either.
And as much as he wants to stay, Yuuto knows that he's a burden.
[Yuuto isn't much better. He's got so much weighing him down outside of Inaba and he's being such a hypocrite. He wants to stay, but knows that he can't. He wants to stop hurting her, but he can't do that either. And if he thinks too hard about it, he still concludes that he's the problem.
It sucks.
He gently squeezes her wrist before removing one hand. Bringing the conversation back to:]
It doesn't feel any better when we're apart for me.
But that doesn't matter anymore. [Yuuto takes his other hand back, guarding his Rumor instead. He nearly gives up again and lets himself agree with what Wish Maker told him, but hesitates.]
Then please... just tell me if I should stay or not.
I'm tired of hurting you. If I can be whoever I want, then I-I... [Something tells him that he can't change this part of himself, but he forces the thoughts back.]
I don't want to be someone who hurts people anymore.
You shouldn't be putting the burden of choice on me, Yuuto. That's something that you should decide for yourself. Whether you want to stay or not. I can't be making your decisions for you.
[His fists clench over his chest, indicating that he does realize there was a misunderstanding. He's afraid to talk about it in front of Inaba. The tip of his belt does rattle against the floor as he fights the urge to otherwise get emotional.]
I don't know how to prove that I'll stay if you don't... want it anyway.
... Okay. Okay- [He hiccups. Holding back tears has come back to haunt him.
He wipes his eyes anyway. And despite himself, even when he begins to hiccup, Yuuto smiles and laughs a bit too. And then sinks to the floor, so that he can cover his face properly.]
[It's definitely a mix of crying and laughter. He feels so pathetic and terrible for hurting Inaba too. At least before, he could find some peace in the fact that Inaba wouldn't be sad if something happened. But now that comforting self-hatred is gone
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[ She's scared. Always has been.
She's a coward.
She doesn't want him to leave her.
But she can't cling onto him. She knows this. ]
...isn't it better, if I just stayed away?
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Yuuto shakes his head. And though he hates it, his voice shakes when he replies.]
I miss you.
I don’t want to stop being friends. I don’t want to stop helping each other… But it felt like you didn’t want me around.
[He won’t mention that he still has lingering feelings for her, because that’s probably been obvious from how he talks. Yuuto lowers his head in shame. As long as he’s seeing the similarities, he had might as well say all of them.]
I don’t get it anymore… Why everyone gets tired of me and throws me away..? No one needs me or wants me, so… If it helps to go away…
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Mm. And I didn’t want to make things harder for you. I understand now that you were probably hurting just as badly. But… unfortunately…
[He brings his other hand around, now holding her hand gently with his two.]
Having you in my life makes me really happy. I’ve never felt more human than when we’re together. Or more scared of the fate I was assigned…
I can’t let my best friend go so easily. So if you wanted me here… I’ll stay until you’re ready for me to go. I’d do my best, Inaba.
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[Since she isn't coming to him, Yuuto takes a step towards Inaba.]
I'm sorry. I wasn't being a good friend before.
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Pain is pain... and I knew you were having trouble making other friends and I didn't give you the space that you needed. I was so scared of losing you and being alone. And then I left you alone... I didn't ask properly what you needed. I'm sorry.
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[ It's not, but she's brushing it off for now. ]
I... shouldn't have had any expectations when it came to making friends. This isn't like the Foundation. We're not forced to be in a small place having to interact with each other to figure out who is or who isn't going to kill you, or have to participate in team games to survive.
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I wish I had the answer. I don't understand how to connect to people.
[Despite his initial efforts to let Inaba make friends, it didn't seem to work. Yuuto is still so frustrated with the fact that she hasn't been appreciated like he thinks that she deserves. Hearing what she went through in the Foundation, he's not sure if Inaba knows how to normally make friends either.
And as much as he wants to stay, Yuuto knows that he's a burden.
He sighs.]
What can I do better this time?
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[ And she doesn't have a clear head to completely think about it too much. ]
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It sucks.
He gently squeezes her wrist before removing one hand. Bringing the conversation back to:]
It doesn't feel any better when we're apart for me.
But that doesn't matter anymore. [Yuuto takes his other hand back, guarding his Rumor instead. He nearly gives up again and lets himself agree with what Wish Maker told him, but hesitates.]
... Do you hate me for everything?
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[ That's as honest as she can truly get right now. No, everything was always internal for her. ]
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Then please... just tell me if I should stay or not.
I'm tired of hurting you. If I can be whoever I want, then I-I... [Something tells him that he can't change this part of himself, but he forces the thoughts back.]
I don't want to be someone who hurts people anymore.
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[...]
You shouldn't be putting the burden of choice on me, Yuuto. That's something that you should decide for yourself. Whether you want to stay or not. I can't be making your decisions for you.
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[His fists clench over his chest, indicating that he does realize there was a misunderstanding. He's afraid to talk about it in front of Inaba. The tip of his belt does rattle against the floor as he fights the urge to otherwise get emotional.]
I don't know how to prove that I'll stay if you don't... want it anyway.
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That wasn't actually what he had expected.]
... Okay. Okay- [He hiccups. Holding back tears has come back to haunt him.
He wipes his eyes anyway. And despite himself, even when he begins to hiccup, Yuuto smiles and laughs a bit too. And then sinks to the floor, so that he can cover his face properly.]
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[ She definitely can hear those hiccups, she's not deaf. ]
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and he feels better for it.
It's weird and miserable, but hilarious.
He nods slowly.]
Mm. I'm okay..! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sorry.
You're the best. Thank you.
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But you did. Without even trying!
[Yuuto sighs in relief and begins to stand,] I feel so stupid... I'm such an idiot!
I'm so glad that I'm stupid!
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And now I feel so much better!
[He wipes his eyes to make sure no black tears sneak through.]
Talking about it helps, huh? I'm so stupid...
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[ Her heart is still shattered and is disoriented. ]
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