Then please... just tell me if I should stay or not.
I'm tired of hurting you. If I can be whoever I want, then I-I... [Something tells him that he can't change this part of himself, but he forces the thoughts back.]
I don't want to be someone who hurts people anymore.
You shouldn't be putting the burden of choice on me, Yuuto. That's something that you should decide for yourself. Whether you want to stay or not. I can't be making your decisions for you.
[His fists clench over his chest, indicating that he does realize there was a misunderstanding. He's afraid to talk about it in front of Inaba. The tip of his belt does rattle against the floor as he fights the urge to otherwise get emotional.]
I don't know how to prove that I'll stay if you don't... want it anyway.
... Okay. Okay- [He hiccups. Holding back tears has come back to haunt him.
He wipes his eyes anyway. And despite himself, even when he begins to hiccup, Yuuto smiles and laughs a bit too. And then sinks to the floor, so that he can cover his face properly.]
[It's definitely a mix of crying and laughter. He feels so pathetic and terrible for hurting Inaba too. At least before, he could find some peace in the fact that Inaba wouldn't be sad if something happened. But now that comforting self-hatred is gone
[In an uncharacteristic turn of events, Yuuto doesn't reply politely right away: He groans softly as if in pain, his eyes flashing violet a few times as he tries to figure out what's wrong. But he can't think straight, so his attempts to use his power only hit him with an internal recoil.
Even so, as a certified dumbass, he eventually tries to wave a hand to dismiss her concern.]
I'm... f-fine... How are you? [He takes a shaky step away from the wall.] I'll leave. [Before this gets harder to conceal.
I’m so sorry… [He reaches out to take her arm and becomes painfully aware of how hard it is to coordinate his body. Why do these things have to hit him so hard??
At least his power isn’t acting up.]
Thank you… I’ll leave on my own. Please… don’t tell anyone…
Yes! It's a -- it originates from the phrase "Cristes Maesse" back in around 1038, literally meaning Christ's Mass. It's originally a religious holiday, even if a lot of people don't celebrate it for the religion and more for the other shit, like couple's dates on Christmas Eve, or just spending time together with friends and family on the day of.
[ She folds her arms and sighs. ]
I wouldn't really consider him a kami, though...
[ She knows Santa exists in at least one world or another, but she's fairly certain that they don't exist in this one. Not that she'll say that aloud yet. ]
[Yuuto topples towards the couch. That’s a lot for his melting brain, Inaba. He vaguely understands what she’s saying and latched onto the most trivial of things in this history lesson.]
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Then please... just tell me if I should stay or not.
I'm tired of hurting you. If I can be whoever I want, then I-I... [Something tells him that he can't change this part of himself, but he forces the thoughts back.]
I don't want to be someone who hurts people anymore.
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[...]
You shouldn't be putting the burden of choice on me, Yuuto. That's something that you should decide for yourself. Whether you want to stay or not. I can't be making your decisions for you.
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[His fists clench over his chest, indicating that he does realize there was a misunderstanding. He's afraid to talk about it in front of Inaba. The tip of his belt does rattle against the floor as he fights the urge to otherwise get emotional.]
I don't know how to prove that I'll stay if you don't... want it anyway.
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That wasn't actually what he had expected.]
... Okay. Okay- [He hiccups. Holding back tears has come back to haunt him.
He wipes his eyes anyway. And despite himself, even when he begins to hiccup, Yuuto smiles and laughs a bit too. And then sinks to the floor, so that he can cover his face properly.]
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[ She definitely can hear those hiccups, she's not deaf. ]
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and he feels better for it.
It's weird and miserable, but hilarious.
He nods slowly.]
Mm. I'm okay..! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sorry.
You're the best. Thank you.
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But you did. Without even trying!
[Yuuto sighs in relief and begins to stand,] I feel so stupid... I'm such an idiot!
I'm so glad that I'm stupid!
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And now I feel so much better!
[He wipes his eyes to make sure no black tears sneak through.]
Talking about it helps, huh? I'm so stupid...
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[ Her heart is still shattered and is disoriented. ]
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[He claps his hands together,] I'll do my best to keep us together! I promise- [And Yuuto sways dramatically-] Ise- ise- iiise?
[And has to catch himself against the wall.]
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[ That last part is worrying, and it's enough for Inaba to panic, eyes wide in surprise. ]
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Even so, as a certified dumbass, he eventually tries to wave a hand to dismiss her concern.]
I'm... f-fine... How are you? [He takes a shaky step away from the wall.] I'll leave. [Before this gets harder to conceal.
Like he's concealing it at all.]
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[ She frowns deeply, frustration boiling underneath the surface. ]
You're not fine. Are you sick?
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But he can at least slowly trudge through his memory for an answer… and lean back against the wall.]
… The water. I drank the water by my bed. They must have drugged it.
[Yuuto sighs and holds his head,] My head feels like lead…
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[ She moves to put her arm out. ]
Can you grab onto me? I'll help move you.
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At least his power isn’t acting up.]
Thank you… I’ll leave on my own. Please… don’t tell anyone…
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[But he’ll accept the couch for now. Yuuto feels awful.]
I don’t want to go back… Crymass… Santa-senpai…
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[ Inaba... will not hold back any punches, literal or proverbial. ]
And since when is Santa Claus your senpai?
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[Weird word, but okay! His brain is becoming sludge anyway. Even the violet in his eyes is beginning to dim as he gets more and more drowsy.]
Aisaka-san said he can fly a sleigh so fast it goes around the world… and he’s nice. He’s a kind kami…
I’m gonna be that too dammit.
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[ She folds her arms and sighs. ]
I wouldn't really consider him a kami, though...
[ She knows Santa exists in at least one world or another, but she's fairly certain that they don't exist in this one. Not that she'll say that aloud yet. ]
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[Yuuto topples towards the couch. That’s a lot for his melting brain, Inaba. He vaguely understands what she’s saying and latched onto the most trivial of things in this history lesson.]
Don’t be alone on whatever the fuck it’s called…
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