[ She looks at him with serious eyes even through those tears of hers, because she knows what it's like. She knows exactly what it's like to want to trust people and find it difficult to do exactly that. ]
To be honest, I. . . need to apologize to you, for a lot. Whenever I came in here to visit, even if I didn't mean to, I shoved so many expectations onto you. I didn't want to do that again to someone else. And you were helping me and warning me about things and I fucked up.
[ She folds her hands in front of her in clenched fists, her breaths shaky.
But she's not crying anymore. Inaba didn't cry for herself. No, she-- ]
But also, I. . . understand what it's like to have to pretend to be someone that you're not. I understand what it's like to not be able to trust anyone because you're afraid that they're going to stab you in the back. I understand what it's like to be stabbed in the back because someone you trusted betrayed you.
It doesn't have to be me, but you need to rely on something. On someone. It can be anything.
But if you carry all of these burdens by yourself, on your own? Do you really think that you're going to save the 6350s from getting executed? Do you honestly believe that you'll be able to save anyone?
[ . . .
She lowers her face, her expression crestfallen. ]
I want to get through to you. I want to see who the 'real you' is, without having to hide behind mask after mask after mask. It's foolish of me to want to trust you, even after you've lied so much.
But every single goddamn time I learn more about the cracks beneath that mask of yours...
It's like looking into a goddamn mirror, you know.
Well, too bad, because you're going to have to deal with it for the rest of your life. And I felt like it was warranted, because I didn't get the chance to do so, before. Not to mention that I don't know if I'll even get another chance.
[ She says those words in a way that almost seems like a joke, but she's is absolutely serious. ]
I already told you, didn't I? I had feelings for the person who killed me. I'm really not that smart, even if I pretend to be.
There are many more people who are more intelligent than I am. Who are better than I am at every single aspect of things that I've felt that I prided myself on. Can program and build computers from scratch? Oh, there's someone from a science-fiction world from the future that can do what you can in seconds. Have decent enough analysis skills? Oh, there's someone who sees more than you can - who knows more than you can - and can figure things out a lot faster.
[ There's a bit of a dismissive wave of her hand, clear that it's honestly not that important.
Not to him, anyway. ]
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was yelled at about this.
But truthfully, I don't really care if they do. This is my decision, not theirs. I'm the one who gets to make the choice on what I do, how I feel.
You need to be able to trust someone. You never know if you can trust someone unless you open yourself up to potential pain. And I want to be able to trust you. But I'm not going to do so blindly. Because you've already hurt people that I care about.
Even so, you still want to help everyone. And I think for now, that's enough for me to want to grab onto.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ She looks at him with serious eyes even through those tears of hers, because she knows what it's like. She knows exactly what it's like to want to trust people and find it difficult to do exactly that. ]
To be honest, I. . . need to apologize to you, for a lot. Whenever I came in here to visit, even if I didn't mean to, I shoved so many expectations onto you. I didn't want to do that again to someone else. And you were helping me and warning me about things and I fucked up.
[ She folds her hands in front of her in clenched fists, her breaths shaky.
But she's not crying anymore. Inaba didn't cry for herself. No, she-- ]
But also, I. . . understand what it's like to have to pretend to be someone that you're not. I understand what it's like to not be able to trust anyone because you're afraid that they're going to stab you in the back. I understand what it's like to be stabbed in the back because someone you trusted betrayed you.
It doesn't have to be me, but you need to rely on something. On someone. It can be anything.
But if you carry all of these burdens by yourself, on your own? Do you really think that you're going to save the 6350s from getting executed? Do you honestly believe that you'll be able to save anyone?
[ . . .
She lowers her face, her expression crestfallen. ]
I want to get through to you. I want to see who the 'real you' is, without having to hide behind mask after mask after mask. It's foolish of me to want to trust you, even after you've lied so much.
But every single goddamn time I learn more about the cracks beneath that mask of yours...
It's like looking into a goddamn mirror, you know.
no subject
[...]
I'm not sure I like being apologized to by someone I just shot.
[With a paint gun, admittedly, but still.
He's also going to lean against his desk now, half-sitting on it.]
Trusting someone who just tried to kill you... That sounds exactly like the kind of stupid thing I would do, and then I would get yelled at for it.
I'm not going to yell at you over it, by the way, but expect like everyone else to instead.
[Yeah, he's kind of avoiding the meat of what she said as much as he can. It's sitting heavy on his mind far more than he wants to admit.]
no subject
[ She says those words in a way that almost seems like a joke, but she's is absolutely serious. ]
I already told you, didn't I? I had feelings for the person who killed me. I'm really not that smart, even if I pretend to be.
There are many more people who are more intelligent than I am. Who are better than I am at every single aspect of things that I've felt that I prided myself on. Can program and build computers from scratch? Oh, there's someone from a science-fiction world from the future that can do what you can in seconds. Have decent enough analysis skills? Oh, there's someone who sees more than you can - who knows more than you can - and can figure things out a lot faster.
[ There's a bit of a dismissive wave of her hand, clear that it's honestly not that important.
Not to him, anyway. ]
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was yelled at about this.
But truthfully, I don't really care if they do. This is my decision, not theirs. I'm the one who gets to make the choice on what I do, how I feel.
You need to be able to trust someone. You never know if you can trust someone unless you open yourself up to potential pain. And I want to be able to trust you. But I'm not going to do so blindly. Because you've already hurt people that I care about.
Even so, you still want to help everyone. And I think for now, that's enough for me to want to grab onto.
no subject
[But it's clear from his expression that he is considering Inaba's words, so there's that at least?
Still, he ends up indicating to the door. He needs some time to think on his own, and he's giving her a chance to show she's worth being trusted.]
Don't make me regret this.
no subject
[ Her voice is calm and even as she says those words because she knows that he probably needs some time.
It makes sense.
Nevertheless, she bows her head and turns on her heel and heads out. ]