[He seems to recite something;] Humans will always be in conflict with each other. As an observer and a temporary existence, it is irresponsible for me to pick favorites in those conflicts and inflict my whims permanently upon a world that I don't belong to.
... And if I feel something strongly and can't control it, then my Distortion...
[Yuuto looks back at the computer. Remembering the flashdrive and his program; The failsafe, meant to kill him in the case of an emergency. He remembers how his life is slipping out of his control, right as he learns what he loves the most about living. Then vaguely seeing Inaba's reflection on the screen and remembering the promise he'd made to her.
Oh… I’m sorry to hear it, because this feels terrible.
[He falls silent, burying any other thoughts. Then he disappears from the chair, only to reappear a foot or so behind her; Something preluded by the sound of his belt hitting the floor, followed by the careful placement of his feet.]
… I know that you really hate it here and you want to go back. But um.
Thank you for being here… and meeting me. You’re going to say it could have been anyone, but even if that’s true… I’m grateful that my first friend could be you.
[He can hear how left field that must sound when she doesn’t know what thoughts are racing through his head. Yuuto keeps his back turned, though he’s calculating an exit.]
I just want for you to remember that, please.
Edited (Ugh Autumn and I almost did a typo free mobile tag) 2023-01-15 11:39 (UTC)
He turns around to smile and laugh, as if to negate her words. And as he does, her computer dings to inform her that it’s safe to remove the flashdrive, and said flashdrive floats towards her.]
That’s because it is! I want to give this to you.
Because if Ryoko or Akutagawa have it, they’ll never use it… but if it really was the end, and I was going to become something that hurt them, then you would. Right? You have people to protect. People who miss you so much.
I want you to do everything that you can to go back to them. Promise me? Please?
[ She can't look at him. Instead, her gaze falls - she doesn't know what expression she's making and she can almost feel the crackle in her throat as her grip on the flash drive tightens in her hands.
This doesn't feel like something that she she should be happy about.
How could she happy about being given a wedge to drive the knife in deep; a weapon that she desperately doesn't want to use? She can't smile like he can. She doesn't even want to bother pretending to be even remotely okay with this.
"I want you to do everything that you can to go back to them."
Those words echo and reverberate in her mind and she realizes that this... feels like she's been handed down a curse. Something stings in her eyes and it's only after what feels like forever that she finally speaks. ]
I...
[ What the hell? Before, she was so confident that she'd be able to do it if anything went wrong. Why is she stumbling on her two feet now?
Ah.
So she has to be-- ]
Alright. If it means that I have to become the bad guy later down the line, fine.
[ After all, saying yes to this promise...
Is saying 'yes' to becoming a potential murderer. ]
[Yuuto’s attempt to be cheerful falters. He looks confused and worried again, even as instinct tells him that he needs to smile or he’ll start crying. He doesn’t want to leave Rumor tears on her floor.
He shakes his head lightly and reaches for the hand with the flashdrive, silently offering to take it back if necessary. But also, selfishly, wanting some contact from his friend to keep himself brave and resolute.]
You won’t be the villain though… You’ll be the hero, right? Saving everyone from a selfish monster… Who was too scared to do it himself. Won’t everyone be happier this way?
[His smile is wavering more. He doesn’t like to think that this will make people happy, but he also has to think it. Otherwise this is sad.]
It worried me. Your dream. Everyone else that I visited brought themselves to their friends and loved ones, or went ‘home.’ And you stayed here and saved everyone… That scared me. Because I know how much you miss everyone. I don’t want for you to be hurting, Inaba. I’m sorry… I don’t want to be worried and… ‘gone.’
[He tilts his head, but his voice is the one to crack this time despite the smile he’s so desperate to keep in place,] Won’t this make the most people happy?
[ She doesn't raise her head. But she doesn't let him take back the flash drive, either, pulling her hand away. ]
The ordinary citizen might think that, sure. But... all the Fallen Stars will come to hate me.
[ Her voice continues to be serious - like she's sunken into that deep pit. She doesn't know if Yuuto's death would let her go back home. What if she's just stuck here still? What if it forces those who don't want to go back home to return?
...what if people who were dead go back to being dead?
That'd be her fault.
She doesn't know if she'd be able to live through the guilt. ]
I don't know if it'd make the most people happy. There's no guarantees. My dream wasn't to save myself. It was only to... change this world for the better. I'm not sure that I'd be as unhappy as I was in the dream. But maybe the dream was a bit of a premonition.
[ Inaba places her hand to her chest. ]
Something that the Narrator wrote for me. A warning, basically.
I've always worried. What happens if I go back? The end of my story... the last scene I'm seen in. Is during a Christmas party, during my third year. I don't get to see myself graduate. If I go home, I'm cut off from the Narrator's words... I'll lose all the things that I learned in the Foundation, and I'd return to the real author. And then there'll be nothing left.
Then I won't let it come to that. This is just a back-up, you know? I really don't want to...
[He doesn't want to die. Especially not as a Distortion. From the way it's been described to him, becoming a Distortion is going to be agonizing. It won't just hurt, but it'll distort every thought and feeling that makes him 'Yuuto.' The flashdrive, which will shape him according to the Rumor he's devised on those files, will at least let him die as 'Yuuto.'
But he doesn't want to talk about it either. It doesn't take a genius to see that they're both hurting. And he's always been more interested in Inaba and her happiness than his own.]
If I may... There's something that I noticed. May I say it? I'm not sure you'll like it, but um... Maybe it'll help?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[He seems to recite something;] Humans will always be in conflict with each other. As an observer and a temporary existence, it is irresponsible for me to pick favorites in those conflicts and inflict my whims permanently upon a world that I don't belong to.
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[Yuuto lifts his head in surprise.
wow she's fucking right.]
Doesn't angry feel awful though? What if it becomes all that I feel?
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[Yuuto looks back at the computer. Remembering the flashdrive and his program; The failsafe, meant to kill him in the case of an emergency. He remembers how his life is slipping out of his control, right as he learns what he loves the most about living. Then vaguely seeing Inaba's reflection on the screen and remembering the promise he'd made to her.
He sighs. Thinking...]
I think... I'm angry at the Facility.
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Am I angry or am I dying?
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Yuuto. I think that's what you call 'anxiety'.
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[ Is that even a question? ]
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I'm sorry. That must be really annoying to put up with.
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[He falls silent, burying any other thoughts. Then he disappears from the chair, only to reappear a foot or so behind her; Something preluded by the sound of his belt hitting the floor, followed by the careful placement of his feet.]
Hey, Inaba?
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Thank you for being here… and meeting me. You’re going to say it could have been anyone, but even if that’s true… I’m grateful that my first friend could be you.
[He can hear how left field that must sound when she doesn’t know what thoughts are racing through his head. Yuuto keeps his back turned, though he’s calculating an exit.]
I just want for you to remember that, please.
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He turns around to smile and laugh, as if to negate her words. And as he does, her computer dings to inform her that it’s safe to remove the flashdrive, and said flashdrive floats towards her.]
That’s because it is! I want to give this to you.
Because if Ryoko or Akutagawa have it, they’ll never use it… but if it really was the end, and I was going to become something that hurt them, then you would. Right? You have people to protect. People who miss you so much.
I want you to do everything that you can to go back to them. Promise me? Please?
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[ She can't look at him. Instead, her gaze falls - she doesn't know what expression she's making and she can almost feel the crackle in her throat as her grip on the flash drive tightens in her hands.
This doesn't feel like something that she she should be happy about.
How could she happy about being given a wedge to drive the knife in deep; a weapon that she desperately doesn't want to use? She can't smile like he can. She doesn't even want to bother pretending to be even remotely okay with this.
"I want you to do everything that you can to go back to them."
Those words echo and reverberate in her mind and she realizes that this... feels like she's been handed down a curse. Something stings in her eyes and it's only after what feels like forever that she finally speaks. ]
I...
[ What the hell? Before, she was so confident that she'd be able to do it if anything went wrong. Why is she stumbling on her two feet now?
Ah.
So she has to be-- ]
Alright. If it means that I have to become the bad guy later down the line, fine.
[ After all, saying yes to this promise...
Is saying 'yes' to becoming a potential murderer. ]
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He shakes his head lightly and reaches for the hand with the flashdrive, silently offering to take it back if necessary. But also, selfishly, wanting some contact from his friend to keep himself brave and resolute.]
You won’t be the villain though… You’ll be the hero, right? Saving everyone from a selfish monster… Who was too scared to do it himself. Won’t everyone be happier this way?
[His smile is wavering more. He doesn’t like to think that this will make people happy, but he also has to think it. Otherwise this is sad.]
It worried me. Your dream. Everyone else that I visited brought themselves to their friends and loved ones, or went ‘home.’ And you stayed here and saved everyone… That scared me. Because I know how much you miss everyone. I don’t want for you to be hurting, Inaba. I’m sorry… I don’t want to be worried and… ‘gone.’
[He tilts his head, but his voice is the one to crack this time despite the smile he’s so desperate to keep in place,] Won’t this make the most people happy?
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The ordinary citizen might think that, sure. But... all the Fallen Stars will come to hate me.
[ Her voice continues to be serious - like she's sunken into that deep pit. She doesn't know if Yuuto's death would let her go back home. What if she's just stuck here still? What if it forces those who don't want to go back home to return?
...what if people who were dead go back to being dead?
That'd be her fault.
She doesn't know if she'd be able to live through the guilt. ]
I don't know if it'd make the most people happy. There's no guarantees. My dream wasn't to save myself. It was only to... change this world for the better. I'm not sure that I'd be as unhappy as I was in the dream. But maybe the dream was a bit of a premonition.
[ Inaba places her hand to her chest. ]
Something that the Narrator wrote for me. A warning, basically.
I've always worried. What happens if I go back? The end of my story... the last scene I'm seen in. Is during a Christmas party, during my third year. I don't get to see myself graduate. If I go home, I'm cut off from the Narrator's words... I'll lose all the things that I learned in the Foundation, and I'd return to the real author. And then there'll be nothing left.
[ ... ]
That's just... a theory, though.
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[He doesn't want to die. Especially not as a Distortion. From the way it's been described to him, becoming a Distortion is going to be agonizing. It won't just hurt, but it'll distort every thought and feeling that makes him 'Yuuto.' The flashdrive, which will shape him according to the Rumor he's devised on those files, will at least let him die as 'Yuuto.'
But he doesn't want to talk about it either. It doesn't take a genius to see that they're both hurting. And he's always been more interested in Inaba and her happiness than his own.]
If I may... There's something that I noticed. May I say it? I'm not sure you'll like it, but um... Maybe it'll help?
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Sort of like how Speck-san did it… I don’t know if they’d answer to me, but maybe they’d come if she asked…
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