[Which he does. Yuuto has a lot that he wants to say, but he manages to control himself. Calmly arriving at her house, dressed in casual clothes for once, Yuuto checks the time (via sky,) and then steps to the door. After a short hesitation, he knocks.]
[ She doesn't bother on getting changed, so she's in her pajamas still -- loose pants and a white sweater. There's bags under her eyes that she's been pointedly ignoring.
Yuuto feels some of his calm cracking, but he doesn't race to her side yet. He only steps towards her, trying to read on her face if she still wants space.]
Himeko... Hey. I missed you. [There are so many emotions under the surface. So much concern, guilt, and love especially.] Did I keep you waiting?
[He doesn't necessarily mean the hour. He wonders if he should have reached out sooner.]
It doesn't really matter, to be honest. Just start wherever.
[ Each syllable is even and she seems almost distant. But more stories are told with the bags under her eyes, the way there's redness. How pale in the face she looks. ]
[Yuuto notices. He hates this so much. Inaba is suffering and hurting and she's been doing this nonstop for a week. And as much as he wants to comfort her, he respects that she might not want him anymore.
So he starts from the top:]
I love you, Inaba Himeko. Whatever you think of me, that feeling hasn't changed. And I can't stand watching you like this. [He wants to go to her so badly.]
[He’s used to hearing that from her by now… And he hates it. Why did they have to have this in common? Why Inaba, who deserves it so much?
Yuuto shakes his head.]
I love the way you talk to me. Like I’m human. The way you looked when we were shopping for computer parts was so mesmerizing— You’re so passionate, so smart, you think and see things so differently. You care so much… You’re so witty and funny, that I can’t stop smiling when we’re together…
[He lets his voice trail off.]
… I want you to know that. You deserve so much. Every moment you spent with me made my life better. No matter how you feel now, that won’t change.
[ Inaba's voice softens and her smile turns bitter. ]
Have you ever thought about it? Like, really thought about it? How I'm such a stupid idiot that I struggle to think of proper words to say when people ask me to give a proper, unique compliment I just...
[His expression softens with her. The distance between them is getting more and more painful, so he takes another few steps to close it.]
So what? Just the fact you stayed as long as you did... I knew everyday that I was a good person, even like this- [And he covers his Rumor with a hand,] Because you loved me. That's a compliment.
[Yuuto is starting to tear up, but he doesn't notice it. Tears are still new and he's not sure how to deal with them anyway.]
I wanted to hear nice things, but I was an idiot. I was being selfish and insecure... But when we were apart, I figured it out.
[He laughs softly in agreement, but still... Yuuto shakes his head.]
I was acting out of fear. I didn't want to be abandoned or replaced... But I've been hurting you all with that, haven't I? Everyone loves me and I was so scared that I didn't deserve it, so I hated myself in your place... I don't want to live that way anymore.
[He stops, guarding his Rumor with both hands now and closing his eyes while he sorts through his feelings.]
I want to be stronger. And kinder and smarter and more helpful. Even if I'm loved the way that I am, I know that I can do better... That's what you were saying before, right? I get it now.
If you are going to do that sort of thing... I hope you're doing it for your own sake and not trying to fill other people's desires. Or overdo it, for that matter.
[Yuuto's smile briefly becomes more confident as he nods.]
Mm! I still have a lot to learn... But I want to be someone I can be proud of! If I can make the worlds I visit a bit better, then I'll be happy.
[Oh.
His expression becomes shy again.]
... Sorry. I almost got off topic. My point is, um. I still want to go on that journey together. I want to work things out, but... What about you? What are you thinking?
How can you be so confident when I'm the fuck up here!? Who would want someone like me, who only falls in love with people who have these stupid goddamn traits! I hate it! I thought that maybe I was wrong, that I was just --
It would have been better, you know!?
I don't need to be in the picture at all, I already have...! I already have...!!
[Yuuto's heart finally snaps. The circles under her eyes, her pale skin, the signs of not sleeping, of crying, all alone for a week-- He doesn't have to be loved by her to terrified for her.
So he finally gives in, grabbing her hands and trying to drag her into a protective hug. Even if he has to give up being a lover, Yuuto isn't about to give up being her friend.]
Himeko. Himeko... Nngh. I-I know... you have so many people. You miss so many people. You're hurting so much, aren't you? [Yuuto feels tears and they make his voice sound so pathetic and small;] If you think you made a mistake… That’s okay. That doesn’t make you ‘bad’ and not making them won’t make you ‘good.’ It makes you ‘human.’
I love that about you too. Your dark, you light… I love you.
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[Which he does. Yuuto has a lot that he wants to say, but he manages to control himself. Calmly arriving at her house, dressed in casual clothes for once, Yuuto checks the time (via sky,) and then steps to the door. After a short hesitation, he knocks.]
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But it's fine.
She raises a hand in a vague, casual wave. ]
Hey.
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Yuuto feels some of his calm cracking, but he doesn't race to her side yet. He only steps towards her, trying to read on her face if she still wants space.]
Himeko... Hey. I missed you. [There are so many emotions under the surface. So much concern, guilt, and love especially.] Did I keep you waiting?
[He doesn't necessarily mean the hour. He wonders if he should have reached out sooner.]
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[ She keeps her tone and expression neutral, not wanting to show how she's feeling on her face. ]
It wasn't as if I specified any time to begin with.
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Yeah. [He breaths in.] You’re still hurting. Can we talk about that? Or should we start somewhere else?
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[ Each syllable is even and she seems almost distant. But more stories are told with the bags under her eyes, the way there's redness. How pale in the face she looks. ]
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So he starts from the top:]
I love you, Inaba Himeko. Whatever you think of me, that feeling hasn't changed. And I can't stand watching you like this. [He wants to go to her so badly.]
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[ She tilts her head ever so slightly. She doesn't answer that second statement. Not yet. ]
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[He pauses to look her in the eye, not hesitating or wavering anymore.]
Do you want the list? I’ll give it to you again. As often as you ask.
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[ The words are cold, but there's another implication there -- I don't deserve to hear it. ]
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Yuuto shakes his head.]
I love the way you talk to me. Like I’m human. The way you looked when we were shopping for computer parts was so mesmerizing— You’re so passionate, so smart, you think and see things so differently. You care so much… You’re so witty and funny, that I can’t stop smiling when we’re together…
[He lets his voice trail off.]
… I want you to know that. You deserve so much. Every moment you spent with me made my life better. No matter how you feel now, that won’t change.
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[ Inaba's voice softens and her smile turns bitter. ]
Have you ever thought about it? Like, really thought about it? How I'm such a stupid idiot that I struggle to think of proper words to say when people ask me to give a proper, unique compliment I just...
[ ... ]
Isn't that awful of me?
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So what? Just the fact you stayed as long as you did... I knew everyday that I was a good person, even like this- [And he covers his Rumor with a hand,] Because you loved me. That's a compliment.
[Yuuto is starting to tear up, but he doesn't notice it. Tears are still new and he's not sure how to deal with them anyway.]
I wanted to hear nice things, but I was an idiot. I was being selfish and insecure... But when we were apart, I figured it out.
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[ Inaba wants to hear them too. She always has. Because she's selfish like that. ]
But I suppose I'll listen and ask. What did you figure out?
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I was acting out of fear. I didn't want to be abandoned or replaced... But I've been hurting you all with that, haven't I? Everyone loves me and I was so scared that I didn't deserve it, so I hated myself in your place... I don't want to live that way anymore.
[He stops, guarding his Rumor with both hands now and closing his eyes while he sorts through his feelings.]
I want to be stronger. And kinder and smarter and more helpful. Even if I'm loved the way that I am, I know that I can do better... That's what you were saying before, right? I get it now.
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If you are going to do that sort of thing... I hope you're doing it for your own sake and not trying to fill other people's desires. Or overdo it, for that matter.
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Mm! I still have a lot to learn... But I want to be someone I can be proud of! If I can make the worlds I visit a bit better, then I'll be happy.
[Oh.
His expression becomes shy again.]
... Sorry. I almost got off topic. My point is, um. I still want to go on that journey together. I want to work things out, but... What about you? What are you thinking?
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[ ... ]
I don't know if I can make things work out, though.
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Do you want to try..? Because... to me, at least... This is worth the effort. You're worth it to me.
[...]
That doesn't have to be mutual.
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I--
[ No.
She can't.
She absolutely can't do this. ]
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It would have been better, you know!?
I don't need to be in the picture at all, I already have...! I already have...!!
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[Yuuto's heart finally snaps. The circles under her eyes, her pale skin, the signs of not sleeping, of crying, all alone for a week-- He doesn't have to be loved by her to terrified for her.
So he finally gives in, grabbing her hands and trying to drag her into a protective hug. Even if he has to give up being a lover, Yuuto isn't about to give up being her friend.]
Himeko. Himeko... Nngh. I-I know... you have so many people. You miss so many people. You're hurting so much, aren't you? [Yuuto feels tears and they make his voice sound so pathetic and small;] If you think you made a mistake… That’s okay. That doesn’t make you ‘bad’ and not making them won’t make you ‘good.’ It makes you ‘human.’
I love that about you too. Your dark, you light… I love you.
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[ Her voice cracks even more and the dam breaks, finally. ]
I don't -- please...
[ She can't even form coherent sentences anymore, sniffling between words. ]
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But he can’t keep giving her space to hurt herself in. Yuuto adjusts his hold, hiding Inaba against him so that she can cry.]
Himeko. It’s okay. You can rest… [He’s sniffling too and his voice shaking:] Stop hurting yourself. Please…
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