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inaba "100% dere" himeko ( 稲葉 姫子 ) ([personal profile] dereban) wrote2022-08-15 07:00 am

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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-16 09:02 pm (UTC)(link)
starlight: Okay. I'll stop by in an hour.

[Which he does. Yuuto has a lot that he wants to say, but he manages to control himself. Calmly arriving at her house, dressed in casual clothes for once, Yuuto checks the time (via sky,) and then steps to the door. After a short hesitation, he knocks.]

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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-16 09:23 pm (UTC)(link)
[oh.

Yuuto feels some of his calm cracking, but he doesn't race to her side yet. He only steps towards her, trying to read on her face if she still wants space.]


Himeko... Hey. I missed you. [There are so many emotions under the surface. So much concern, guilt, and love especially.] Did I keep you waiting?

[He doesn't necessarily mean the hour. He wonders if he should have reached out sooner.]
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-16 09:50 pm (UTC)(link)
[Her lack of emotion is noted, but he doesn’t push. They’re in public, after all… But doing the math, he wonders if that means she’s hiding a lot.]

Yeah. [He breaths in.] You’re still hurting. Can we talk about that? Or should we start somewhere else?
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-16 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)
[Yuuto notices. He hates this so much. Inaba is suffering and hurting and she's been doing this nonstop for a week. And as much as he wants to comfort her, he respects that she might not want him anymore.

So he starts from the top:]


I love you, Inaba Himeko. Whatever you think of me, that feeling hasn't changed. And I can't stand watching you like this. [He wants to go to her so badly.]
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-17 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
Because none of the things I love about you have changed. The list only gets longer and longer every day that we’re together.

[He pauses to look her in the eye, not hesitating or wavering anymore.]

Do you want the list? I’ll give it to you again. As often as you ask.
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-17 06:24 am (UTC)(link)
[He’s used to hearing that from her by now… And he hates it. Why did they have to have this in common? Why Inaba, who deserves it so much?

Yuuto shakes his head.]


I love the way you talk to me. Like I’m human. The way you looked when we were shopping for computer parts was so mesmerizing— You’re so passionate, so smart, you think and see things so differently. You care so much… You’re so witty and funny, that I can’t stop smiling when we’re together…

[He lets his voice trail off.]

… I want you to know that. You deserve so much. Every moment you spent with me made my life better. No matter how you feel now, that won’t change.
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-17 07:14 am (UTC)(link)
[His expression softens with her. The distance between them is getting more and more painful, so he takes another few steps to close it.]

So what? Just the fact you stayed as long as you did... I knew everyday that I was a good person, even like this- [And he covers his Rumor with a hand,] Because you loved me. That's a compliment.

[Yuuto is starting to tear up, but he doesn't notice it. Tears are still new and he's not sure how to deal with them anyway.]

I wanted to hear nice things, but I was an idiot. I was being selfish and insecure... But when we were apart, I figured it out.
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-17 09:00 am (UTC)(link)
[He laughs softly in agreement, but still... Yuuto shakes his head.]

I was acting out of fear. I didn't want to be abandoned or replaced... But I've been hurting you all with that, haven't I? Everyone loves me and I was so scared that I didn't deserve it, so I hated myself in your place... I don't want to live that way anymore.

[He stops, guarding his Rumor with both hands now and closing his eyes while he sorts through his feelings.]

I want to be stronger. And kinder and smarter and more helpful. Even if I'm loved the way that I am, I know that I can do better... That's what you were saying before, right? I get it now.
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-17 09:43 am (UTC)(link)
[Yuuto's smile briefly becomes more confident as he nods.]

Mm! I still have a lot to learn... But I want to be someone I can be proud of! If I can make the worlds I visit a bit better, then I'll be happy.

[Oh.

His expression becomes shy again.]


... Sorry. I almost got off topic. My point is, um. I still want to go on that journey together. I want to work things out, but... What about you? What are you thinking?
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-17 11:45 am (UTC)(link)
[And he can't hide his hurt this time. Yuuto is quiet for a moment, considering.]

Do you want to try..? Because... to me, at least... This is worth the effort. You're worth it to me.

[...]

That doesn't have to be mutual.
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-17 12:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Himeko!

[Yuuto's heart finally snaps. The circles under her eyes, her pale skin, the signs of not sleeping, of crying, all alone for a week-- He doesn't have to be loved by her to terrified for her.

So he finally gives in, grabbing her hands and trying to drag her into a protective hug. Even if he has to give up being a lover, Yuuto isn't about to give up being her friend.]


Himeko. Himeko... Nngh. I-I know... you have so many people. You miss so many people. You're hurting so much, aren't you? [Yuuto feels tears and they make his voice sound so pathetic and small;] If you think you made a mistake… That’s okay. That doesn’t make you ‘bad’ and not making them won’t make you ‘good.’ It makes you ‘human.’

I love that about you too. Your dark, you light… I love you.
Edited 2022-09-17 14:05 (UTC)
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-09-17 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[He’s being selfish. Yuuto knows he can’t hug her problems away. He’s probably not on the list of people who can help her.

But he can’t keep giving her space to hurt herself in. Yuuto adjusts his hold, hiding Inaba against him so that she can cry.]


Himeko. It’s okay. You can rest… [He’s sniffling too and his voice shaking:] Stop hurting yourself. Please…

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