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[dereban]

Raina Schwarzer

"Sorry if I can't pick up right now, but if you leave a message, I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks."

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[motiv8]

I won't. I promise. I'm sorry.

[Even he knows there's a chance he might break that promise, but... it feels right to make it, at least.]

And if that's the case... I know you know already, but you may as well hear it from me.

I got hurt on both of the "missions" I went on last month. I got attacked by a monster while out with Eren, didn't dodge correctly, it cracked my rib.

With Crow and Elliot, I took a bullet to the shoulder trying to make sure Crow didn't take one to the back.

In both cases, I got healed up with magic. I'm fine, now, but that does mean that with the one from this morning there's now two scars on my upper left torso.

That's the whole of it.

[dereban]

[ If he breaks it and she finds out that he did, she'll be breaking more than just a silly little promise. ] You're reckless, you know that?

[motiv8]

Heard it before, yeah.

[Rean, you're supposed to care.]

[dereban]

You know you have anoroblem if more than one person is pointing it out.

[motiv8]

I'm a part of all of this now whether I want to be or not. And that means that situations like that are going to keep popping up.

If I hadn't acted the way I did, people might have been hurt even worse than I was or even killed. I can't allow that to happen.

If that makes me reckless, so be it, but I don't really see it as a problem.

[dereban]

[ There's a long, lengthy pause because she honestly doesn't know what to say. Or no, it's not that. What she wants to type kind of... scares her, really. ] So you're going to choose to protect others instead of yourself? I'm calling you reckless because I don't want you to sacrifice yourself for that reason. What if you actually wind up dead?

[motiv8]

I'm not doing this because I have any intention of dying, to make myself clear. I'm doing this because I feel it's what's right.

If that absolute worst-case scenario should come to pass, though? At least I'll have died doing something I actually believed in.

[dereban]

I know. But I'm worried about the future, and what might come up. If you sacrifice yourself for someone, if that worst case scenario happens, I don't know what I'm going to do.

[motiv8]

You'd find a way to live and move on. I'm sure of it.

You're stronger than you think you are.

[dereban]

That's not true. I know that isn't. You might think that you're right and I'm wrong, but there's no way that I'd be able to be strong enough for that. I'd be all alone again.

[motiv8]

[And now it's Raina's turn to have to wait for a response, because... ah.

"Again."

...]

Let me put it this way: I'm going to help other people where I'm able. But I'm also going to do absolutely everything in my power to stay around so that I can continue to do that.

I'm not going to leave you behind if I have any say in it. Okay?

[dereban]

I'm still going to worry. And I'm honestly going to be terrified, if Retrospec keeps throwing things like this.

I won't forgive you if you leave me behind. Ever.

[motiv8]

I'll do my best to make that worry unfounded, but that's all I can promise you.

And that's all right. I wouldn't want you to forgive me if I did that to you.

[dereban]

I suppose that's the best I can ask for. I wouldn't be able to stop you from helping people out, even if those ways might be ones that I might not like. Anyway, let me go back to the first thing you originally said. You suddenly woke up with a scar from your past life? Do you remember how you got it or are we going "it is a mystery" here?

[motiv8]

Unfortunately, we're going full it is a mystery 10 hour version, here.

I asked my friends, and Elliot remembers past me having this scar, too, but he said even past me didn't know how he got it.

Which is good, I guess? Nice to know past me didn't die from getting impaled or something, but it's still a bit frustrating.

[dereban]

Are we sure it's ten hours and not a million years? I don't know, not knowing how you got a scar is still concerning?

[motiv8]

I don't think YouTube lets you upload anything quite that long.

Yeah, I thought the same thing, but Elliot mentioned that maybe it's better if I don't remember. Whatever caused this must have been traumatic, because, uh, it definitely is not nice-looking. So maybe it's better that I'm not having to relive that.

[dereban]

Well, clearly YouTube needs to get good, because we're going to need videos that long if we're going to survive. Maybe it's better, but can we even control what we remember to begin with?

[motiv8]

Try sending them Cranky Kong's advice and see how that goes over for you.

Not that I know of. But I meant that it's probably better for past me, in this case. Current me just has to live with it.

[dereban]

Ha ha, very funny.

Well, as long as you understand that, Rean...

[motiv8]

Heh. I thought so, anyway.

Mm? Understand what, exactly? Sorry, I'm not really following.

[dereban]

You're differentiating yourself from your past self. That means you understand that you're not your past self, right?

[motiv8]

[Of course he understands. His past self was so many things he can only dream of being... accomplished, a leader. Happy.]

Yeah. I know some people refer to their past selves like they're completely separate people, but... seems kind of hard to do that when you share everything.

Still, what's past is past and what's here is here. I know that.

[dereban]

[ There's a bit of a pause for a moment, and for what seems to be a bit of a more obvious reason when she messages him. ]

Speaking of that, though... I remembered something. Just now.

[motiv8]

You did? What?