scp r4 ♥ dazai catch-all

[dereban]

[ blanket cw for suicidal ideation ]

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[dereban]

I don't really sleep, most days.

[ She somehow easily admits that with red puffy eyes that shows that she's been crying. ]

I assume I'm not the first person to ask, but are you alright?

[guileturncoat]

That sounds like a problem you should fix. And honestly, I should be the one asking you that. It looks like you were crying.

[dereban]

Bad force of habit.

And I wasn't— [. . .] Why does that matter? Don't dodge the question.

[guileturncoat]

Your face is red, and your eyes are puffy.

[Yep he's dodging the question.]

[dereban]

And I'm asking you why does that matter?

[ More specifically, 'why do you care'? ]

[guileturncoat]

Because if it's because of what happened today then I feel bad about that?

[dereban]

It's fine. You did what you had to, and it would have been fine if I died, anyway, compared to the others who were on the chopping block.

You really shouldn't feel bad about me.

[guileturncoat]

...Inaba-san.

If you're going to criticize me for my defeatist attitude, then you can't have that same attitude yourself.

[dereban]

It's not defeatest.

It's being able to make the most of either situation. If I die, I'll go back to my home world. If I live, I can help everyone else out here.

[guileturncoat]

[That's it.

Dazai is going to go right up into her space and attempt to smush her cheeks with his hands.]

[dereban]

Ah-

[ ... ]

H-hey, what's that for?!

[ YOU KNOW WHAT

if he's doing that she's gonna tug on his cheeks in return. fair's fair, right? ]

[guileturncoat]

[He's just going to squish them more!]

Stop all of this! You're a beautiful, charming lady with people who care about you, and this talk you have just crushes their souls bit by bit! Normally I would tell you that self-pity will make your life a nightmare, but it makes other people's lives a nightmare too!

[dereban]

. . .

[ She stops for a moment, her voice dropping into something self-derisive. ]

"Do not pity yourself. If you wallow in self-pity; life will be an endless nightmare."

[ And that's when Inaba laughs yet again. ]

Ha. But. . . I didn't think you of all people would call me 'beautiful and charming'.

[ There's a definite emphasis on 'you' there. ]

[guileturncoat]

You've wooed several people, so you must have some level of beauty and charm.

[Wow.

He'll let go of her face now too.]

[dereban]

Then don't say something like that, you idiot.

[ She mutters those words under her breath, swapping to Japanese in annoyance. ]

[guileturncoat]

Who's the idiot here, exactly?

[He keeps talking in English, but it's clear that he understands everything Inaba just said.]

[dereban]

You are.

[ And that's when she laughs, something bitter in her voice. ]

And admittedly, I am, too.

[ But then she gives him a serious look, opens her mouth as if to ask him something—

And then she falters, shaking her head. ]

[guileturncoat]

Good! I don't want to be the only idiot here.

[And if she doesn't pull away, he'll reach up to ruffle her hair as he laughs.]

[dereban]

You shouldn't say that as if it's a good thing, you know.

[ She doesn't pull away, but there's an audible sound of relief in her voice that he didn't ask her what she wanted to ask him. ]

[guileturncoat]

There's the pessimism again~

[dereban]

It's not like that, stupid! Idiot! I don't want to be seen as a moron!

[ She is absolutely flushing out of embarrassment now. ]

[guileturncoat]

[Oh look, Dazai is turning thoughtful now.]

Ahh, I suppose you wouldn't want to. You're pretty bright, after all.

But it's not an insult to your intelligence, you know. Even the smartest person can act dumb sometimes.

[dereban]

[ ...? ]

I suppose that's true. And sometimes playing dumb is a smart move.

[guileturncoat]

Indeed, it is.

[SMILE SMILE]

So! Want to tell me what's on your mind?

[dereban]

If I do, I might hurt someone. But I suppose sometimes you have to hurt others in order to move forward.

Yet, I don't want to hurt him anymore if I'm right.