[Oh, she's crying. He should have expected that, he did just trick her into thinking she was going to die. Somehow it's a surprise for like two seconds though.
He walks over to her and stops right in front of her. The pellet gun is still in his hand, but his finger is off the trigger now.]
Yeah, I know. I'm actually pretty terrified all the time here. I'm scared of being found out and killed by the bigwigs in charge. I'm scared of one of you turning on me and killing me. I'm scared of becoming more like him, because every day I pretend to be a ruthless mafia executive I feel myself falling into that role more easily. I'm scared of losing my actual friends because of everything I'm doing here.
But what scares me the most is the thought of failing my mission here. Because I'm not the only one who pays the price in that case.
And it's just so...frustrating, you know? Because none of you just listen to me. You talk and talk about how I need to accept all of you and make friends and live some happy-go-lucky life or whatever, but then when I actually tell you guys stuff you don't listen.
That makes me regret it all, you know? Like, why should I even try when none of you can do one thing right?
[ It's funny because she isn't even crying because she almost died. However she just shuts her eyes and leans against the door and just slides herself against the door, sighing. ]
Becoming more like someone. . . I understand the sentiment, you know.
[ All too well.
All too fucking well. She lets out another sigh, burying her head into her knees. ]
You're so stupid. I can't speak for everyone. I definitely can't. But as for myself, I'm only human, you know?
I'm stubborn, I make mistakes-- I'm prone to them.
[ And then she lifts her head up, her voice still watery. But she tugs her lips into a sad, soft smile. ]
I'm sorry. I already knew that I couldn't do anything right from the beginning. I just wanted to pretend that I could, just a little while longer. Because you're right. All of this is going to effect the others, isn't it? The fates of all the 6350s.
But don't you realize that even when we mess up that we just get back on our feet and try again? I can't fix my past mistakes. But I can. . . at the very least start from here. You can't just do this alone. It'll just make things worse.
[ She looks at him with serious eyes even through those tears of hers, because she knows what it's like. She knows exactly what it's like to want to trust people and find it difficult to do exactly that. ]
To be honest, I. . . need to apologize to you, for a lot. Whenever I came in here to visit, even if I didn't mean to, I shoved so many expectations onto you. I didn't want to do that again to someone else. And you were helping me and warning me about things and I fucked up.
[ She folds her hands in front of her in clenched fists, her breaths shaky.
But she's not crying anymore. Inaba didn't cry for herself. No, she-- ]
But also, I. . . understand what it's like to have to pretend to be someone that you're not. I understand what it's like to not be able to trust anyone because you're afraid that they're going to stab you in the back. I understand what it's like to be stabbed in the back because someone you trusted betrayed you.
It doesn't have to be me, but you need to rely on something. On someone. It can be anything.
But if you carry all of these burdens by yourself, on your own? Do you really think that you're going to save the 6350s from getting executed? Do you honestly believe that you'll be able to save anyone?
[ . . .
She lowers her face, her expression crestfallen. ]
I want to get through to you. I want to see who the 'real you' is, without having to hide behind mask after mask after mask. It's foolish of me to want to trust you, even after you've lied so much.
But every single goddamn time I learn more about the cracks beneath that mask of yours...
It's like looking into a goddamn mirror, you know.
Well, too bad, because you're going to have to deal with it for the rest of your life. And I felt like it was warranted, because I didn't get the chance to do so, before. Not to mention that I don't know if I'll even get another chance.
[ She says those words in a way that almost seems like a joke, but she's is absolutely serious. ]
I already told you, didn't I? I had feelings for the person who killed me. I'm really not that smart, even if I pretend to be.
There are many more people who are more intelligent than I am. Who are better than I am at every single aspect of things that I've felt that I prided myself on. Can program and build computers from scratch? Oh, there's someone from a science-fiction world from the future that can do what you can in seconds. Have decent enough analysis skills? Oh, there's someone who sees more than you can - who knows more than you can - and can figure things out a lot faster.
[ There's a bit of a dismissive wave of her hand, clear that it's honestly not that important.
Not to him, anyway. ]
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was yelled at about this.
But truthfully, I don't really care if they do. This is my decision, not theirs. I'm the one who gets to make the choice on what I do, how I feel.
You need to be able to trust someone. You never know if you can trust someone unless you open yourself up to potential pain. And I want to be able to trust you. But I'm not going to do so blindly. Because you've already hurt people that I care about.
Even so, you still want to help everyone. And I think for now, that's enough for me to want to grab onto.
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no subject
He walks over to her and stops right in front of her. The pellet gun is still in his hand, but his finger is off the trigger now.]
Yeah, I know. I'm actually pretty terrified all the time here. I'm scared of being found out and killed by the bigwigs in charge. I'm scared of one of you turning on me and killing me. I'm scared of becoming more like him, because every day I pretend to be a ruthless mafia executive I feel myself falling into that role more easily. I'm scared of losing my actual friends because of everything I'm doing here.
But what scares me the most is the thought of failing my mission here. Because I'm not the only one who pays the price in that case.
And it's just so...frustrating, you know? Because none of you just listen to me. You talk and talk about how I need to accept all of you and make friends and live some happy-go-lucky life or whatever, but then when I actually tell you guys stuff you don't listen.
That makes me regret it all, you know? Like, why should I even try when none of you can do one thing right?
no subject
Becoming more like someone. . . I understand the sentiment, you know.
[ All too well.
All too fucking well. She lets out another sigh, burying her head into her knees. ]
You're so stupid. I can't speak for everyone. I definitely can't. But as for myself, I'm only human, you know?
I'm stubborn, I make mistakes-- I'm prone to them.
[ And then she lifts her head up, her voice still watery. But she tugs her lips into a sad, soft smile. ]
I'm sorry. I already knew that I couldn't do anything right from the beginning. I just wanted to pretend that I could, just a little while longer. Because you're right. All of this is going to effect the others, isn't it? The fates of all the 6350s.
But don't you realize that even when we mess up that we just get back on our feet and try again? I can't fix my past mistakes. But I can. . . at the very least start from here. You can't just do this alone. It'll just make things worse.
no subject
[Does he want to trust people? Yes, he does.
But it's so, so hard to trust. Especially when so much is on the line. His fear is getting the better of him, and it's making him indecisive.]
I just tricked you into thinking I was going to shoot you, and now you want me to rely on you?
[Let's start there, then.]
no subject
[ She looks at him with serious eyes even through those tears of hers, because she knows what it's like. She knows exactly what it's like to want to trust people and find it difficult to do exactly that. ]
To be honest, I. . . need to apologize to you, for a lot. Whenever I came in here to visit, even if I didn't mean to, I shoved so many expectations onto you. I didn't want to do that again to someone else. And you were helping me and warning me about things and I fucked up.
[ She folds her hands in front of her in clenched fists, her breaths shaky.
But she's not crying anymore. Inaba didn't cry for herself. No, she-- ]
But also, I. . . understand what it's like to have to pretend to be someone that you're not. I understand what it's like to not be able to trust anyone because you're afraid that they're going to stab you in the back. I understand what it's like to be stabbed in the back because someone you trusted betrayed you.
It doesn't have to be me, but you need to rely on something. On someone. It can be anything.
But if you carry all of these burdens by yourself, on your own? Do you really think that you're going to save the 6350s from getting executed? Do you honestly believe that you'll be able to save anyone?
[ . . .
She lowers her face, her expression crestfallen. ]
I want to get through to you. I want to see who the 'real you' is, without having to hide behind mask after mask after mask. It's foolish of me to want to trust you, even after you've lied so much.
But every single goddamn time I learn more about the cracks beneath that mask of yours...
It's like looking into a goddamn mirror, you know.
no subject
[...]
I'm not sure I like being apologized to by someone I just shot.
[With a paint gun, admittedly, but still.
He's also going to lean against his desk now, half-sitting on it.]
Trusting someone who just tried to kill you... That sounds exactly like the kind of stupid thing I would do, and then I would get yelled at for it.
I'm not going to yell at you over it, by the way, but expect like everyone else to instead.
[Yeah, he's kind of avoiding the meat of what she said as much as he can. It's sitting heavy on his mind far more than he wants to admit.]
no subject
[ She says those words in a way that almost seems like a joke, but she's is absolutely serious. ]
I already told you, didn't I? I had feelings for the person who killed me. I'm really not that smart, even if I pretend to be.
There are many more people who are more intelligent than I am. Who are better than I am at every single aspect of things that I've felt that I prided myself on. Can program and build computers from scratch? Oh, there's someone from a science-fiction world from the future that can do what you can in seconds. Have decent enough analysis skills? Oh, there's someone who sees more than you can - who knows more than you can - and can figure things out a lot faster.
[ There's a bit of a dismissive wave of her hand, clear that it's honestly not that important.
Not to him, anyway. ]
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was yelled at about this.
But truthfully, I don't really care if they do. This is my decision, not theirs. I'm the one who gets to make the choice on what I do, how I feel.
You need to be able to trust someone. You never know if you can trust someone unless you open yourself up to potential pain. And I want to be able to trust you. But I'm not going to do so blindly. Because you've already hurt people that I care about.
Even so, you still want to help everyone. And I think for now, that's enough for me to want to grab onto.
no subject
[But it's clear from his expression that he is considering Inaba's words, so there's that at least?
Still, he ends up indicating to the door. He needs some time to think on his own, and he's giving her a chance to show she's worth being trusted.]
Don't make me regret this.
no subject
[ Her voice is calm and even as she says those words because she knows that he probably needs some time.
It makes sense.
Nevertheless, she bows her head and turns on her heel and heads out. ]