[It's strange to hear, really. Atsushi has always had a hard time believing anything about himself was great, but his life...
He's had enough people scold him for his thoughtlessness to know he's fortunate, now.]
I suppose he would be, if that's the only life he's ever had... the only Dazai he's ever met.
[He shoves his hands deeper into the pocket of his hoodie, gaze fixed to the ground.] ...Dazai-san saved me. He didn't teach me to kill people, or make me kill people. I never--
[...He swallows a little, and his voice comes out quietly next.] Not before here, anyway.
[ Her voice continues to be a little quiet, but she does seem to be listening to Atsushi rather carefully. ]
The Dazai you know-- from your time? He's definitely a better person than he was. I guess, 'is', here. But he probably wouldn't have become that person without the help of someone else. And I think the Dazai here has that potential to be good, but. . . it's probably going to be difficult.
[ Real difficult.
But then she hears that, and- ]
. . . Oh. Fukuzawa's not here, so- Mm. I won't blame you for what happened in regards to that. But, um. If you need help with it, I can tell you a bit of what I know in regards to helping. My boyfriend can't exactly fully control his ability either, even if he's more used to it.
[He did. He really did, even if it was hard not to want to cling to the idea.
But when she continues, he bites the inside of his lip. Of course it would be the same for the other Atsushi. He'd never had a Fukuzawa, had he...? If Fukuzawa was still with the Agency in his world....
His voice comes out a stutter at first, something Inaba might recognize as anxiety and shame.]
I-I'd appreciate it, though. If you were willing to tell me what you know. I don't... want to be like this, if I can help it.
[Didn't want to be a risk to everyone else, something more like the things he knew the foundation would contain if he wasn't so useful. He didn't want to dread every mission, fight back claws beneath his skin when he was stressed.
He didn't want to dread the full moon with his entire being. Didn't want to taste human blood when waking up in the morning ever again.]
I never had to control the tiger, like this. Not before. Fukuzawa-san's ability always kept it manageable.
I know that we're going to be here for several weeks, and if I'm remembering correctly, the full moon is on the 16th of next month-- in four weeks. Thankfully there's a few ways to circumvent things and Dazai is here, but. . . we can't always rely on him.
I've dealt with the tiger - with Byakko before, at the Hotel, during the full moon. There's some plants that work and I had an application on my phone and laptop that Yoshi made. . . but the tiger's a part of you, Atsushi.
[Dazai is here... it was a relief, in a way, to know that someone could stop him if he lost control, could stop him before he hurt anyone, maybe. He didn't want to transform in this house, with all these people in closed quarters.. it was too risky.
He could kill people in their sleep.
Still, some things stand out to him.]
You call it by name....?
[It was strange, to hear anyone call it anything but 'The Tiger'. But the name fit, in a way Atsushi instinctively knew. Or rather, had probably never wanted to acknowledge.]
....I-I know tranquilizers... work, but it's unpleasant for me. And they never really put me down deeply enough, so I...
[...He hurts himself. He heals of course, but it was always unpleasant, waking from a drug induced stupor to find blood caked to him, phantom memories of pain clinging to his mind. It always left his disoriented, dazed and trembling from the stress, struggling to recall where he was and when.
It felt too much like...]
Plants, though...? And... Meditation? An application?
[ She laughs a little sheepishly, scratching the side of her cheek. ]
Yeah, my boyfriend said that if it ever came to that I could tranquilize him, but I refuse to do that to him. And I refuse to ever do that to you.
[ . . . ]
Yeah. Catnip. Also Yoshi made an application that works specifically on tigers that's meant to knock them out. Meditation helps to communicate with Byakko, especially since the changes can happen based on your emotions.
Ah, and I should mention. . . we kind of tested this out with a doppelganger, but Byakko apparently didn't attack anyone that Atsushi was interested in. Romantically.
[More strangeness. And it's still strange to hear someone call him... another him, 'boyfriend'. It makes his stomach twist awkwardly.]
Ah... I suppose he wouldn't like that either, if we ah... react the same way.
[It's not a topic he's interested in talking about more, the fears he'd had as a child. the fears the other him might have had, as well. He didn't like cages, didn't like being injected with things he didn't know.]
I've never tried catnip, though. Or... whatever that app is. Or meditation. Does it... really help? Can I... I know the moon transformations are unavoidable, but at other times I--
[Wanted to reduce the risks outside of it, if possible. Stress was still an issue he had to struggle with. He does seem taken aback at that last bit of information though, a hint of pink coming to his cheeks.]
He said he didn't mind it if it was me, but. . . that's because he trusts me, I think.
[ But she wouldn't want to do that to him. Never. ]
As far as I know, meditation during off full moon days is probably the most helpful, since it'll allow you to have a chance to communicate with the tiger. The other two are more precautionary things for full moon days.
Not to mention that you only transform if you see the full moon, so if you stayed in a room with no windows or the curtains drawn shut the whole evening. . . you should be okay. And I'm willing to stay with you on that day if you'd like me to so that you're not alone. Unless we do wind up utilizing the Dazai method.
[ . . . ]
Yeah. I was pretty surprised, too. I didn't think it would actually work, but it did, apparently?
Probably. It's more than either of us would have had ah... when... it comes to that.
[He trails off, awkward with the realization that Inaba knows so much more about him, probably, than he does her.
...Still, it's because of that she can be so helpful.]
I've never really learned how to meditate, so I'd have to figure out how. I... don't really talk to the tiger, much. But if it makes me less of a risk to be around for others... I have to try.
[And the full moon... well. It was something he'd just have to live with. But it was better than hurting other people.]
I might see if Dazai-san is willing to keep an eye on me too, the day of. I... he wouldn't let me rampage, at least.
....I've never really dated someone, so I wouldn't know about all that stuff.
[He seems to droop a little. It's not shameful to admit, but it's... a little weird? Talking to someone who's dating another him. He wonders how that happened?]
I- I figured. Um, sorry, it's not. . . too strange, is it? Talking to me when I'm dating the other Atsushi, I mean-- [ God, her face is red right now and she is immediately waving her hands frantically in a bit of fluster. ] Uu... god, this is embarrassing.
I know more about you than you know about me, too.
I-I wouldn't call it too strange but.... it is... a bit strange.
[Ok, very strange. He's turning red now too as he sinks a little deeper into his hoodie, because these two are just that bad about this stuff, apparently.]
You do know a lot about me, but I don't really know much about you. And um... some things are...
[Very personal? Very personal.
He hasn't even kissed someone yet, let alone gone on dates.]
[ She is suddenly very glad she can hide her expression under her hat now, because she feels like crawling in a hole out of embarrassment. A part of her wonders if Atsushi - her Atsushi - can see this and suddenly she's self-conscious. ]
Ah-- I-I wouldn't tell anyone anything, though! About the personal stuff. I'm not that kind of person.
[ Or at least she hopes she isn't.
That's when she clears her throat with a small ahem. ]
I guess I should try to make this even, huh? I don't really. . . have too much to say about myself since I'm not admittedly that interesting, but, mm. I don't mind answering anything you want to ask about me. At the very least, I guess I want to be friends with you.
[Heaven help them both if the other Atsushi can see this. Atsushi knows he would be mortified in his place, so what would happen to the other Atsushi?]
But I-I couldn't ask that of you! I mean... it is awkward, but I'm not going to ask you to tell me things you don't want to tell. That's not how you treat someone you want to be friends with, right?
[And it's nice, hearing her say she wants to be friends. That he wasn't automatically... lesser, somehow, in some way. It felt like he should be, but...]
[ She threads her fingers together a little nervously before laughing a little bit. ]
Haha, you're right. But you can still ask. I'd let you know if I can't- or won't answer. Besides, you're probably one of the few people here I can talk to about Yokohama. Well, I guess there's Oda and Dazai too, but talking about the city with them is kinda. . .
[He perks up a bit at the mention of his home. He's homesick and painfully so, and while he hasn't live in the city comparatively very long, he still missed it keenly.]
Yeah, I am. Born and raised, actually. I get homesick quite a bit, so I would sometimes Google Maps it, or search up what events happened recently in the Yokohama of this world.
You know, the two Spidermans pointing at each other. That pic.
[ Yes. ]
And no, it's not a phone game, it's- People actually dressed up in Pikachu costumes parade all in the Minato Mirai area. It's a pretty huge event, actually.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ She says those words knowingly, a little soft. ]
To be honest, I think. . . Atsushi's a little envious of your life, as someone who ended up in the Agency.
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He's had enough people scold him for his thoughtlessness to know he's fortunate, now.]
I suppose he would be, if that's the only life he's ever had... the only Dazai he's ever met.
[He shoves his hands deeper into the pocket of his hoodie, gaze fixed to the ground.] ...Dazai-san saved me. He didn't teach me to kill people, or make me kill people. I never--
[...He swallows a little, and his voice comes out quietly next.] Not before here, anyway.
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[ Her voice continues to be a little quiet, but she does seem to be listening to Atsushi rather carefully. ]
The Dazai you know-- from your time? He's definitely a better person than he was. I guess, 'is', here. But he probably wouldn't have become that person without the help of someone else. And I think the Dazai here has that potential to be good, but. . . it's probably going to be difficult.
[ Real difficult.
But then she hears that, and- ]
. . . Oh. Fukuzawa's not here, so- Mm. I won't blame you for what happened in regards to that. But, um. If you need help with it, I can tell you a bit of what I know in regards to helping. My boyfriend can't exactly fully control his ability either, even if he's more used to it.
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[He did. He really did, even if it was hard not to want to cling to the idea.
But when she continues, he bites the inside of his lip. Of course it would be the same for the other Atsushi. He'd never had a Fukuzawa, had he...? If Fukuzawa was still with the Agency in his world....
His voice comes out a stutter at first, something Inaba might recognize as anxiety and shame.]
I-I'd appreciate it, though. If you were willing to tell me what you know. I don't... want to be like this, if I can help it.
[Didn't want to be a risk to everyone else, something more like the things he knew the foundation would contain if he wasn't so useful. He didn't want to dread every mission, fight back claws beneath his skin when he was stressed.
He didn't want to dread the full moon with his entire being. Didn't want to taste human blood when waking up in the morning ever again.]
I never had to control the tiger, like this. Not before. Fukuzawa-san's ability always kept it manageable.
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[ She says that calmly and smoothly. ]
I know that we're going to be here for several weeks, and if I'm remembering correctly, the full moon is on the 16th of next month-- in four weeks. Thankfully there's a few ways to circumvent things and Dazai is here, but. . . we can't always rely on him.
I've dealt with the tiger - with Byakko before, at the Hotel, during the full moon. There's some plants that work and I had an application on my phone and laptop that Yoshi made. . . but the tiger's a part of you, Atsushi.
Have you ever tried meditation before?
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He could kill people in their sleep.
Still, some things stand out to him.]
You call it by name....?
[It was strange, to hear anyone call it anything but 'The Tiger'. But the name fit, in a way Atsushi instinctively knew. Or rather, had probably never wanted to acknowledge.]
....I-I know tranquilizers... work, but it's unpleasant for me. And they never really put me down deeply enough, so I...
[...He hurts himself. He heals of course, but it was always unpleasant, waking from a drug induced stupor to find blood caked to him, phantom memories of pain clinging to his mind. It always left his disoriented, dazed and trembling from the stress, struggling to recall where he was and when.
It felt too much like...]
Plants, though...? And... Meditation? An application?
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[ She laughs a little sheepishly, scratching the side of her cheek. ]
Yeah, my boyfriend said that if it ever came to that I could tranquilize him, but I refuse to do that to him. And I refuse to ever do that to you.
[ . . . ]
Yeah. Catnip. Also Yoshi made an application that works specifically on tigers that's meant to knock them out. Meditation helps to communicate with Byakko, especially since the changes can happen based on your emotions.
Ah, and I should mention. . . we kind of tested this out with a doppelganger, but Byakko apparently didn't attack anyone that Atsushi was interested in. Romantically.
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Ah... I suppose he wouldn't like that either, if we ah... react the same way.
[It's not a topic he's interested in talking about more, the fears he'd had as a child. the fears the other him might have had, as well. He didn't like cages, didn't like being injected with things he didn't know.]
I've never tried catnip, though. Or... whatever that app is. Or meditation. Does it... really help? Can I... I know the moon transformations are unavoidable, but at other times I--
[Wanted to reduce the risks outside of it, if possible. Stress was still an issue he had to struggle with. He does seem taken aback at that last bit of information though, a hint of pink coming to his cheeks.]
He what?!
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[ But she wouldn't want to do that to him. Never. ]
As far as I know, meditation during off full moon days is probably the most helpful, since it'll allow you to have a chance to communicate with the tiger. The other two are more precautionary things for full moon days.
Not to mention that you only transform if you see the full moon, so if you stayed in a room with no windows or the curtains drawn shut the whole evening. . . you should be okay. And I'm willing to stay with you on that day if you'd like me to so that you're not alone. Unless we do wind up utilizing the Dazai method.
[ . . . ]
Yeah. I was pretty surprised, too. I didn't think it would actually work, but it did, apparently?
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[He trails off, awkward with the realization that Inaba knows so much more about him, probably, than he does her.
...Still, it's because of that she can be so helpful.]
I've never really learned how to meditate, so I'd have to figure out how. I... don't really talk to the tiger, much. But if it makes me less of a risk to be around for others... I have to try.
[And the full moon... well. It was something he'd just have to live with. But it was better than hurting other people.]
I might see if Dazai-san is willing to keep an eye on me too, the day of. I... he wouldn't let me rampage, at least.
[He hesitates, before.]
How-- I mean, um--... I've never--
[How does he even ask this?]
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[ It's a bit of a noncommittal hum as she reaches out to pat him on the head. ]
Usually what someone tries to do while meditating is sit down, close your eyes, clear your head and focus on deep breathing.
[ She does see his hesitation and blinks a little bit, tilting her head to the side. ]
. . . Hm? What is it?
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[He seems to droop a little. It's not shameful to admit, but it's... a little weird? Talking to someone who's dating another him. He wonders how that happened?]
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I- I figured. Um, sorry, it's not. . . too strange, is it? Talking to me when I'm dating the other Atsushi, I mean-- [ God, her face is red right now and she is immediately waving her hands frantically in a bit of fluster. ] Uu... god, this is embarrassing.
I know more about you than you know about me, too.
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[Ok, very strange. He's turning red now too as he sinks a little deeper into his hoodie, because these two are just that bad about this stuff, apparently.]
You do know a lot about me, but I don't really know much about you. And um... some things are...
[Very personal? Very personal.
He hasn't even kissed someone yet, let alone gone on dates.]
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Ah-- I-I wouldn't tell anyone anything, though! About the personal stuff. I'm not that kind of person.
[ Or at least she hopes she isn't.
That's when she clears her throat with a small ahem. ]
I guess I should try to make this even, huh? I don't really. . . have too much to say about myself since I'm not admittedly that interesting, but, mm. I don't mind answering anything you want to ask about me. At the very least, I guess I want to be friends with you.
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[Heaven help them both if the other Atsushi can see this. Atsushi knows he would be mortified in his place, so what would happen to the other Atsushi?]
But I-I couldn't ask that of you! I mean... it is awkward, but I'm not going to ask you to tell me things you don't want to tell. That's not how you treat someone you want to be friends with, right?
[And it's nice, hearing her say she wants to be friends. That he wasn't automatically... lesser, somehow, in some way. It felt like he should be, but...]
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[ She threads her fingers together a little nervously before laughing a little bit. ]
Haha, you're right. But you can still ask. I'd let you know if I can't- or won't answer. Besides, you're probably one of the few people here I can talk to about Yokohama. Well, I guess there's Oda and Dazai too, but talking about the city with them is kinda. . .
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Are you from Yokohama?!
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Well. She made this decision. ]
Yeah, I am. Born and raised, actually. I get homesick quite a bit, so I would sometimes Google Maps it, or search up what events happened recently in the Yokohama of this world.
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That's surprising... did the other me meet you there?
[Is there an Inaba in his world, too?]
I never thought of that.... is it similar?
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And she just didn't take it. ]
Nope. We met here, in this world. Back in November, on a mission. The Yokohama here is pretty similar to back home, yeah.
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[Huh... that's... ok then. He wouldn't know how to feel about that, if there was. Would that make them soulmates, or something? Or...]
...I might look it up, then. I miss it.
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[ INABA ]
You should, but it makes me kind of jealous. There was a Pikachu Outbreak in Yokohama.
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[Why???]
...You're jealous about phone games???
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[ Yes. ]
And no, it's not a phone game, it's- People actually dressed up in Pikachu costumes parade all in the Minato Mirai area. It's a pretty huge event, actually.
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