scp r4 ♥ atsushi catch-all

[dereban]

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[dereban]

Maybe we do. But you're not the first person to say that I'm not a bad person.

[ It kind of makes her mind reel slightly before shaking her head to give herself some clarity. ]

But you're right. That's the point of this game. They need a valid reason to get rid of us. They can't just do so easily for. . . whatever reason. Because it's inhumane or something.

[ She folds her arms over her chest, sighing. ]

If he's planning something, then shouldn't we do the same?

[. . .]

Yep, 'again'.

[scarsnstripes]

[Atsushi doesn't think Inaba is a bad person, himself. Part of him wants to insist on it, but...]

H-how do you die again?!

[Just. Halting the conversation for a minute, because what the HECK Inaba.]

[dereban]

Well, I died during the mission at the Hotel. Specifically, I was murdered. But it's fine, we're cool.

[ shrugs ]

My soul was then. . . placed into a new gigai.

[scarsnstripes]

Placed in a--

[....Oh.

oh.

...The way she talked about such a thing as if it was fine was a little unnerving, honestly.]

A... A new body?

[dereban]

[ You'd think it's fine, but.

Dislikes: gigai bodies. ]

Yep. Not like any of our bodies in this world are our originals to begin with.

[scarsnstripes]

[Ugh.... that was--]

I don't like thinking about it, personally....

[dereban]

[ And that's when her expression drops. ]

I don't either. I can't think about it too long, or else I get uncomfortable. And then I'll start thinking about the decision I made, when I died.

[scarsnstripes]

Decision...?

[Wait, no, she'd just said she didn't want to think about it--

He backtracks, looking a little guilty just for that slip of a question alone.]

I-I mean... you said we should make plans! We should do that.

[Somehow.]

[dereban]

. . . It's okay. If it's you, I'll tell you. But you won't like it. Nobody ever does.

[ Because it's bad. ]

But yeah, we should. I want to stop the murders. But I don't know if I can. I'm not strong enough for it.

[scarsnstripes]

...I'm not going to ask you to tell me something that upsets you so much. That's not fair to you.

[Even if he is a little concerned about Inaba, because that expression....]

I don't know if I'm strong enough, either. With the tiger I have physical strength, but... I'm not that clever, or skilled at anything. But we have to try at least.

cw suicidal ideation

[dereban]

It's true that it upsets me, but. . . I think you should know, anyway. I want at least one person to know in the off chance that something-- happens.

[ Her voice cracks a little bit at the end there, hugging herself a little bit. ]

And I'm not physically strong. I can't even use the ability that was given to me in this world because the idea of using it scares me too much. All I have is my analytical ability, and even then it's not perfect.

[scarsnstripes]

....You shouldn't talk like that. We've got to believe we're going to get out of this.

[He reaches out hesitantly, before gently resting a hand on her shoulder. He wasn't sure what sort of touch would be welcome, but...]

We'll figure something out. If you want to tell me I'll listen, but we will figure something out.

[He's not nearly as confident as he's trying to sound, but Atsushi was nothing if not a survivor. There had to be a way... somehow, some way. He had to believe that there was.]

And if you don't have physical strength, you have me. I... my control isn't the best, but I can fight, and I can handle injuries most people can't. You can use me.

[Most people might think that sort of talk was disturbing, but to Atsushi it just made sense.]

[dereban]

I want to believe in that. But the last time this sort of crap happened, I died-- and that was because I decided to trust in other people!

[ Mafia is bad, actually.

But she doesn't pull away from his touch. Even if she probably should, she doesn't. ]

But. . . did you know that there is a way to go home? Back to our own world?

[ Because she sure does. ]

I-

[ . . . ]

I can't do that. I don't- [ Her voice crackles with hesitation, torn up. ] I don't want that. I couldn't. That. . . would make me no better than that Dazai, from his world.

[scarsnstripes]

But--

['Mafia is bad, actually' seems like a pretty logical thought process, but then again...

He's not sure what to do. He wants to hug her, but would that be too awkward? would it upset her? Would it upset him? He doesn't know, and he's torn.

But when she says she knows how to go home... it's--]

What do you mean? We can go home?

[dereban]

[ She shakes her head, but it isn't to say 'no', but rather to help clear her thoughts as she pulls herself in together, hugging herself in a way where she's obviously trembling. ]

There is one. . . way to, yes. It's not common knowledge, since I don't think the Foundation wouldn't want everyone to even dare try it. And even here, it's-- you wouldn't like it.