STARSAND ✦ ic inbox

[dereban]

contact post

text ✦ audio ✦ video ✦ action

CODE

Comments

[spacialeyes]

[Despite the lingering effects of his long sleep, Yuuto is observant enough to notice this. Usually she at least starts to type before going silent.

Well. So long as he's at her house now-

Yuuto knocks politely on the door.]

Inaba-san?

Are you home? [He hates himself for being creepy, but he looks down at her doorstep to check the snow for footsteps. If she had left the house, it would have needed to be hours ago. She must be home, so he changes his question:] Are you okay in there?

[dereban]

[ There's definitely no footsteps, and for the moment, no sound. It's quiet. Too quiet, in fact. ]

[spacialeyes]

[It would be rude to listen too intently, but the quiet is hard to ignore. Yuuto knows better than to break into his ex-girlfriend's house, but he can't very well leave things like this either.]

Maybe she's sleeping..? [A normal conclusion to make. He opens his palms to give some of the nearby spirits starling and help them gain strength, then points towards the door.]

Sorry. Can you go see if she's okay? I really shouldn't... [... be the one to do that himself.

He sends another text while waiting.]

Inaba-san, I'm sorry.

If you want me to go then I can. Please just say it.

You're scaring me.

[dereban]

[ Good news! If the spirits do check and break into the house, they'll easily find Inaba.

Bad news: Inaba is absolutely unconscious on the floor right in front of the living room couch. It's definitely unnatural. ]

[spacialeyes]

[The return of alarmed spirits was not a good sign. Their lights flashed vibrantly and they flew around his head, failing to communicate with full words that something was wrong. Yuuto only needed the brief images they forced into his head in order to understand.

He’d have to apologize later. There wasn’t enough time to call for Ryoko and she was probably not in a state to help someone anyway. Yuuto teleported passed the door and hurried up the stairs, letting the spirits guide him to Inaba.]

Inaba-san? Inaba-san!

[Thanks to their guidance, he managed to find her fast enough. Yuuto dropped to the floor next to her and moved to gently turn her over and check for a temperature. Maybe try to prop her up and check for a pulse. The spirits hasn’t necessarily said she wasn’t dead.]

What happened?! Did someone hurt you?!

[dereban]

[ She's definitely unconscious but thankfully also not dead. She doesn't awaken immediately, either, even though she's breathing. If he's paying close attention, there's no injuries on her person.

But what's also on the floor is her cellphone, too. ]

[spacialeyes]

[After checking her over, Yuuto sighs in relief. Not dead. She doesn’t seem injured either, aside from being unconscious. Still not ideal, but he’a grateful for the bare minimum here.

For a few seconds, Yuuto pauses to let his panicked emotions run their course. Then he gives Inaba a light squeeze of a hug before lifting her up and resting her in the couch. He’s not so nosy that he takes a hard look at the cellphone, but he does at least check to make sure that the screen is working and double check the power. It’s important to her, probably more than he is, so he sets it within reach for when she wakes up. Then leans over again to brush her eyelashes and check if she’s unconscious or just sleeping.

… He’s the worst to stay, but he’s in too deep now. Yuuto sighs and withdraws his hand.]

Sorry. I’ll stay here until you’re feeling better.

[dereban]

[ The good news is that the phone is definitely working and she's definitely unconscious, so it'll probably take her a bit until she wakes up. And by "a bit", that's definitely about an hour or so.

It's only then that there's the soft groaning of her voice, although she certainly doesn't open her eyes just yet-- ]

[spacialeyes]

[During that hour, Yuuto tries to keep busy. But it feels strange to be in her house again. She hasn’t let him in since they broke up and he’s barely seen her face in that time. Even so, he remembers clearly where she keeps her glassware and finds some headache medication, leaving a cup of water and some pills by the couch. After that, and after realizing how hard it is to be here, Yuuto retreats to the front door and waits there while she sleeps. He can’t exactly leave her, but he’s pretty sure he’s low on the list of people that she wants in her house. It’s best to minimize his existence.

When he hears her waking, Yuuto stands up again and pokes his head into the living room.]

Inaba-san? Are you okay?

[… If she says yes then she’s lying. Why is he giving her more chances to tell him nice lies?

Yuuto sighs and prepares himself to be hurt for a good cause.]

I left some water and medicine for you… Is there someone that I can call to come stay with you? Are you hungry?

[dereban]

Huh--

[ Goddamn, she's still awfully groggy, but she soon tries to push herself up as she rubs her eyes. Wait, that voice... ]

Why the hell are you here?

[ Even if it's supposed to come off as defensive, she sounds more exhausted than irritated, still not having gotten back to a hundred percent. ]

[spacialeyes]

[Yuuto flinches. If he could make himself smaller, then he would. The closet he can get is wrapping his tail around his legs. He knew that she probably didn’t like him, but it still hurts to hear it like that.

His gaze lowers to his feet and he breathe in. It’s fine. He’s used to being hurt and hated. He knows how to endure it, so he does.]

I’m sorry. You were…

[His voice trails off.

He can’t endure it anymore. Not from Inaba, anyway. So he has to breath in to maintain his calm and not let it show that he’s beginning to panic.]

I’m leaving. Just tell me who I can call to come help you. Please.

[dereban]

...I don't have anybody like that.

[ She's alone, after all.

She's built up her walls so high that she has nobody she can rely on. It's stupid, she knows, but she has to do this. To protect herself. ]

[spacialeyes]

[… He kind of figured. The belt tightens around his legs and makes him aware of how he’s trembling. Yuuto is terrified. There are so many thoughts and feelings and cruel realities that he can’t mix yet. He isn’t ready to become a Rumor.

Especially not in Inaba’s living room. So he tries to steady his thoughts, selecting what of his hundred year memory to focus on. This isn’t the time to feel deja vu. Inaba doesn’t need to know she’s the latest in a long standing tradition of hating Yuuto and wanting him gone. She’s nice. She would feel bad for something that is totally justified.

But he can’t leave without knowing she has someone to be with her.]

I… I get it. I was alone for a really long time, before… [Before she lied and made it seem like he could change that.

Again, he knows better than to say that. It’s better if people still think that Yuuto is okay.]

I thought you’d been attacked. I-I… I worry about you every day… because if something did happen, you don’t have anyone to call. And so many people are waiting for you.

I’m sorry… Even after all of this time, I—I thought… we might still be friends, but… [”Why the hell are you here-“ seems pretty final. It’s what people say before they shut the door on him and cry about the ‘Yuuto’ he replaced.]

[dereban]

[ Inaba curls in on herself, hugging her knees. Making herself feel small. She really can't be doing this right now, but here she is.

She can feel the fears and anxieties rolling through her like a storm.

When she speaks up, it's with a shaky voice, something that makes her feel disgustingly weak. ]

I'm no good as a friend. I'm no good as a person, anymore... I'm just. Pathetic.

[ It hurts to say that, but it's finally some honest words. ]

Maybe someone like me should have stayed as just a story for people to look at.

[spacialeyes]

[She isn't yelling and no doors are being closed. If anything, it feels like one is opening. Yuuto matches her posture, staying small and standing at the edge of the living room. He doesn't want to make her feel any worse.]

Inaba-san...

[He immediately recognizes what she means. They watched some of her life in anime form together, after all. It's still a very surreal memory. Yuuto doesn't want to push back hard, but he does gradually begin to shake his head.]

I... I meant what I said in MirrorMe-san's maze. About not leaving, I... [His voice trails off again. No, his liking Inaba despite everything is worthless. Inaba hates him. So he changes his words;] I want to hear what's on your mind. Even if it's sad or scary or ugly.

[dereban]

I'm tired, [ she admits with a sigh ] and I'm terrified. I can't be strong anymore. I can't deal with people anymore because every time I try, it just... hurts.

I'm a hypocrite.

I want to keep the rest of my humanity, but I also want to toss what's left so everything would finally stop.

I'm certain now. That there's no way for me to get back up on my feet here. That I'm just destined to be alone. I deserve it, anyway.

[spacialeyes]

[She’s finally admitted it. Yuuto knows that must have been hard, since she’s been resisting it for months. More than that, he knows from their time together how hard it is for Inaba to let her guard down around anyone.

So he relaxes just slightly. In a twisted way, it’s a relief to hear and to know she at least trusts him enough to say it. Yuuto closes his eyes and sorts through his own thoughts.

He’s the same. Secretly, under the surface, Yuuto has been slowly letting go of his hope since the Moon Viewing party. He’s accepted that he can never be ‘human’ and he can never be loved or give proper love. He’d planned a way to trade it all and become a Distortion, if only so he could send everyone home and end this nightmare. It’s what he deserves.

So even though kind assurances initially rise to his lips, he has to sigh and confess:]

I’m a hypocrite too.

[He doesn’t move yet, letting Inaba control the space, but he is keeping a closer eye on her body language. Both for signs that he can approach and signs that he needs to leave.]

Of course you’re tired. You’ve been tired and trying to deal with that alone. That’s not going to lead to rest… [He’s not here to lecture her. Just trying to understand.]

Have you been able to eat okay? You passed out… Is it food or sleep, or both?

[dereban]

It's neither. I...

[ She hesitates, before shaking her head and hugging herself tighter. ]

I couldn't handle what someone told me.

[spacialeyes]

[While he suspects that there is a physical cause too, Yuuto doesn’t say so. It could be mental and emotional at its source and her physical state is a consequence.

He also suspects there may be a connection between Inaba’s collapse, the conversation between her and Ryoko suddenly dropping, and Ryoko’s weird texts later in the conversation.]

I see…

You don’t have to say anymore, just… I don’t think it’s weak or wrong for that to be the reason, if that’s what you were expecting.

It’s what I used to think, anyway? [He used to be very good at overthinking and making himself sick. It’s the only way to take him out! He’s still good at it.]

[dereban]

You're wrong. It is weak. If I were stronger, I wouldn't just... collapse when someone strikes a nerve like that.

[spacialeyes]

You're not taking care of yourself, Inaba-san. The fact you're standing at all is a strength.

[He tries to watch his tone, not wanting to scold. He's more worried than anything. Which is why he tries to cut any argument and focus:]

Are you feeling any better now?

[dereban]

It's not enough.

[ It never is.

She doesn't answer his question, however. ]

[spacialeyes]

It doesn't have to be enough, Inaba-san. It's still strength.

[Yuuto bites his tongue. He doesn't want to start going on about how much he admires her when he's the last one that means anything from. He does, at least, note that she avoided his question.]

You've been pushing yourself this whole time... If you don't recover, you won't be able to reach your goal..?

[dereban]

I'm going to make it happen.

[ Inaba snaps, but her tone is completely icy. ]

I have to. I have no other choice.

[spacialeyes]

And why's that?