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inaba "100% dere" himeko ( 稲葉 姫子 ) ([personal profile] dereban) wrote2022-08-15 07:00 am

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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-04 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[… He kind of figured. The belt tightens around his legs and makes him aware of how he’s trembling. Yuuto is terrified. There are so many thoughts and feelings and cruel realities that he can’t mix yet. He isn’t ready to become a Rumor.

Especially not in Inaba’s living room. So he tries to steady his thoughts, selecting what of his hundred year memory to focus on. This isn’t the time to feel deja vu. Inaba doesn’t need to know she’s the latest in a long standing tradition of hating Yuuto and wanting him gone. She’s nice. She would feel bad for something that is totally justified.

But he can’t leave without knowing she has someone to be with her.]


I… I get it. I was alone for a really long time, before… [Before she lied and made it seem like he could change that.

Again, he knows better than to say that. It’s better if people still think that Yuuto is okay.]


I thought you’d been attacked. I-I… I worry about you every day… because if something did happen, you don’t have anyone to call. And so many people are waiting for you.

I’m sorry… Even after all of this time, I—I thought… we might still be friends, but… [”Why the hell are you here-“ seems pretty final. It’s what people say before they shut the door on him and cry about the ‘Yuuto’ he replaced.]
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-04 10:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[She isn't yelling and no doors are being closed. If anything, it feels like one is opening. Yuuto matches her posture, staying small and standing at the edge of the living room. He doesn't want to make her feel any worse.]

Inaba-san...

[He immediately recognizes what she means. They watched some of her life in anime form together, after all. It's still a very surreal memory. Yuuto doesn't want to push back hard, but he does gradually begin to shake his head.]

I... I meant what I said in MirrorMe-san's maze. About not leaving, I... [His voice trails off again. No, his liking Inaba despite everything is worthless. Inaba hates him. So he changes his words;] I want to hear what's on your mind. Even if it's sad or scary or ugly.
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 12:59 am (UTC)(link)
[She’s finally admitted it. Yuuto knows that must have been hard, since she’s been resisting it for months. More than that, he knows from their time together how hard it is for Inaba to let her guard down around anyone.

So he relaxes just slightly. In a twisted way, it’s a relief to hear and to know she at least trusts him enough to say it. Yuuto closes his eyes and sorts through his own thoughts.

He’s the same. Secretly, under the surface, Yuuto has been slowly letting go of his hope since the Moon Viewing party. He’s accepted that he can never be ‘human’ and he can never be loved or give proper love. He’d planned a way to trade it all and become a Distortion, if only so he could send everyone home and end this nightmare. It’s what he deserves.

So even though kind assurances initially rise to his lips, he has to sigh and confess:]


I’m a hypocrite too.

[He doesn’t move yet, letting Inaba control the space, but he is keeping a closer eye on her body language. Both for signs that he can approach and signs that he needs to leave.]

Of course you’re tired. You’ve been tired and trying to deal with that alone. That’s not going to lead to rest… [He’s not here to lecture her. Just trying to understand.]

Have you been able to eat okay? You passed out… Is it food or sleep, or both?
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 02:33 am (UTC)(link)
[While he suspects that there is a physical cause too, Yuuto doesn’t say so. It could be mental and emotional at its source and her physical state is a consequence.

He also suspects there may be a connection between Inaba’s collapse, the conversation between her and Ryoko suddenly dropping, and Ryoko’s weird texts later in the conversation.]


I see…

You don’t have to say anymore, just… I don’t think it’s weak or wrong for that to be the reason, if that’s what you were expecting.

It’s what I used to think, anyway? [He used to be very good at overthinking and making himself sick. It’s the only way to take him out! He’s still good at it.]
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 07:22 am (UTC)(link)
You're not taking care of yourself, Inaba-san. The fact you're standing at all is a strength.

[He tries to watch his tone, not wanting to scold. He's more worried than anything. Which is why he tries to cut any argument and focus:]

Are you feeling any better now?
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 07:43 am (UTC)(link)
It doesn't have to be enough, Inaba-san. It's still strength.

[Yuuto bites his tongue. He doesn't want to start going on about how much he admires her when he's the last one that means anything from. He does, at least, note that she avoided his question.]

You've been pushing yourself this whole time... If you don't recover, you won't be able to reach your goal..?
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 08:06 am (UTC)(link)
[He can't argue that at first, since it is partially true. She hasn't had as much luck making friends while here and he knows how she's afraid. They've also had this talk before, so he's sad and defeated to have the conversation again.]

Is that how you want for it to be, Inaba-san?
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 08:30 am (UTC)(link)
[Yuuto is rising in the ranks of the hypocrite club as he closes his eyes, trying to resist his urge to rush to her side. He hates seeing Inaba like this. He hates remembering that there was a time when he could offer comfort, but he got greedy and screwed it up.

And he really hates hearing her retrace his own thoughts. Yuuto is a hypocrite, because he 'knows' these things are true for himself. He's a jerk to not allowed her to have the comfortable pain of self-hatred that keeps him sane.*]


Inaba-san, even if that were true, it doesn't matter if you're needed. You're wanted. You don't need to justify how much you're loved with things like 'strength' and 'worth.'

(*=highly debatable.)
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 08:47 am (UTC)(link)
That isn't true..! People aren't like that, Inaba-san. And if they are, then they're wrong. You're already so... so..!

[He inhales. It's getting harder and harder to be 'good.']

What do you think you already are? Because who I see is... I can't imagine how anyone wouldn't want the Inaba-san that I met. You!
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 09:00 am (UTC)(link)
That's... That's definitely not true. I know it can't be.

[Yuuto takes a step forward, then stops to check that she's not acting more afraid. But he knows it isn't true, because he's already told her that he liked the 'weak' Inaba too. He can't be the only one.]

'Barely a person' can't be either. I'm sure of it.
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 09:08 am (UTC)(link)
I've met monsters, Inaba-san. You're nothing like that...

[But he understands where she gets the idea and can't refute it.]

And... And if you hate it, then please... Even if you don't want to talk about it, please don't spend it alone.
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[personal profile] spacialeyes 2022-12-05 09:25 am (UTC)(link)
And you've seen mine, but you never once acted like made me anything less!

[Though, he has a creeping suspicion that everyone is lying to him about that too... so files the thought away. He's more worried about her anyway, and how she seems so convinced of her loneliness.]

You're not alone! Y, you... [Up until now, this is where he would be name dropping Ryoko. She's kind, dependable, and someone Inaba seemed to like. Whereas he wasn't sure what to make of his place with her anymore, so stayed out of it.

But that can't work anymore. If Ryoko said something that triggered Inaba to collapse, then neither of them are okay. He can't ask Ryoko to look after Inaba anymore.]


You... Y-You have me! I-I... I want to help you..!

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