Because, barring two people, I haven't met anyone from this game before that first day here. So whoever told you that description has mistaken me for someone else.
Who else would it be? You haven't been in contact with anyone outside of this game since it started, and you wouldn't have known about me until the game started either.
Don't underestimate my information gathering skills.
But your denial is kind of cute, you know. Why are you insisting so hard that you're not the person of that description, hmm? It's true that I didn't know about Dazai being the one to run this game - but I got that description from someone outside of it, before it even started, and he probably doesn't even know that I have it.
And you said 'barring two people', right? I~ wonder~ who those people are~
[ She sounds so pleased with herself. She doesn't even care if she's wrong or not at this point; she's getting a lot of information out of him that she didn't expect to get.
You're actually going to let me guess? How kind of you. I'm going to cross out the two obvious choices right away, but I do want to confirm another person, even if I'm wrong: it isn't Moriarty, right?
[ Although her dark gaze shifts towards the door and how he locks it. ]
The one who described that person like that? Why should I tell you who he is? I don't benefit from it.
Ahh, you got one right. I met Moriarty-san just recently, actually. Though his memory seems to be a bit off lately, did you notice that?
[With the door locked, he's going to head over to his desk so he can rummage around his his drawer for something for a minute. He's more focused on his task, but he's still talking to Inaba as he looks down.]
Hmm~ I suppose you're right there. Keeping your information sources secret is probably for the best.
Say, Ina-bun, did you know that this room is soundproofed?
[Yeah, he's checking his gun and making sure it's good to go, and his look is turning dark too.]
I invited you to go looking for evidence because I figured you wouldn't find anything useful and you would just get bored with it. And while you still haven't found anything- your assumptions are wrong, by the way- your smug self-satisfaction with your sub-par detective skills is going to get the wrong people to actually look at me. And I'm not going to die with my work unfinished because you were too stupid to listen when you were told to leave something alone.
[And now he's stepping away from the desk to point the gun right at her.]
Just be grateful she is here to collect your soul, so you won't be gone for good. Consider this your 'time out' until the end of the game.
Ah, is that so? Is this the real you after all, Dazai? You really don't understand anything at all about me, do you? You- no, nobody even fucking bothered. I wanted to learn who the real you is, but if it's like this—
Then you don't deserve him.
[ She doesn't move, but her eyes still narrow at him, absolutely furious. ]
So go ahead: don't fucking hesitate. If you want to kill me, do it, you coward.
She expects it to come. It's not the first time she's died, but it would have been the worst death that she's experienced so far. It probably doesn't help that it's a gun- how ironic is that? Dying to a gun? ]
And she's feeling a mixture of emotions there - is she relieved? is she upset? is she torn up about it?
None of those emotions come into play as the shock widdles down into something entirely different. ]
You fucking morooooon!! Idiot! Imbecile! Dumbass!! Do you fucking think that none of us are cowards either? Hah? Do you?! You're really stupid, aren't you? You say that you decided to do something like that and assume things about me when you, and everyone else in this fucking House knows nothing about me!
You don't bother to actually talk to people. That's your fucking problem. You're too scared to open up to people and communicate with them, so that's why you don't get close to anyone. Especially even more so now, when you're aware that people might die.
You're so. . . so stupid, you know.
[ Her voice cracks and it sounds like she's about to cry. ]
[Oh, she's crying. He should have expected that, he did just trick her into thinking she was going to die. Somehow it's a surprise for like two seconds though.
He walks over to her and stops right in front of her. The pellet gun is still in his hand, but his finger is off the trigger now.]
Yeah, I know. I'm actually pretty terrified all the time here. I'm scared of being found out and killed by the bigwigs in charge. I'm scared of one of you turning on me and killing me. I'm scared of becoming more like him, because every day I pretend to be a ruthless mafia executive I feel myself falling into that role more easily. I'm scared of losing my actual friends because of everything I'm doing here.
But what scares me the most is the thought of failing my mission here. Because I'm not the only one who pays the price in that case.
And it's just so...frustrating, you know? Because none of you just listen to me. You talk and talk about how I need to accept all of you and make friends and live some happy-go-lucky life or whatever, but then when I actually tell you guys stuff you don't listen.
That makes me regret it all, you know? Like, why should I even try when none of you can do one thing right?
[ It's funny because she isn't even crying because she almost died. However she just shuts her eyes and leans against the door and just slides herself against the door, sighing. ]
Becoming more like someone. . . I understand the sentiment, you know.
[ All too well.
All too fucking well. She lets out another sigh, burying her head into her knees. ]
You're so stupid. I can't speak for everyone. I definitely can't. But as for myself, I'm only human, you know?
I'm stubborn, I make mistakes-- I'm prone to them.
[ And then she lifts her head up, her voice still watery. But she tugs her lips into a sad, soft smile. ]
I'm sorry. I already knew that I couldn't do anything right from the beginning. I just wanted to pretend that I could, just a little while longer. Because you're right. All of this is going to effect the others, isn't it? The fates of all the 6350s.
But don't you realize that even when we mess up that we just get back on our feet and try again? I can't fix my past mistakes. But I can. . . at the very least start from here. You can't just do this alone. It'll just make things worse.
[ She looks at him with serious eyes even through those tears of hers, because she knows what it's like. She knows exactly what it's like to want to trust people and find it difficult to do exactly that. ]
To be honest, I. . . need to apologize to you, for a lot. Whenever I came in here to visit, even if I didn't mean to, I shoved so many expectations onto you. I didn't want to do that again to someone else. And you were helping me and warning me about things and I fucked up.
[ She folds her hands in front of her in clenched fists, her breaths shaky.
But she's not crying anymore. Inaba didn't cry for herself. No, she-- ]
But also, I. . . understand what it's like to have to pretend to be someone that you're not. I understand what it's like to not be able to trust anyone because you're afraid that they're going to stab you in the back. I understand what it's like to be stabbed in the back because someone you trusted betrayed you.
It doesn't have to be me, but you need to rely on something. On someone. It can be anything.
But if you carry all of these burdens by yourself, on your own? Do you really think that you're going to save the 6350s from getting executed? Do you honestly believe that you'll be able to save anyone?
[ . . .
She lowers her face, her expression crestfallen. ]
I want to get through to you. I want to see who the 'real you' is, without having to hide behind mask after mask after mask. It's foolish of me to want to trust you, even after you've lied so much.
But every single goddamn time I learn more about the cracks beneath that mask of yours...
It's like looking into a goddamn mirror, you know.
Well, too bad, because you're going to have to deal with it for the rest of your life. And I felt like it was warranted, because I didn't get the chance to do so, before. Not to mention that I don't know if I'll even get another chance.
[ She says those words in a way that almost seems like a joke, but she's is absolutely serious. ]
I already told you, didn't I? I had feelings for the person who killed me. I'm really not that smart, even if I pretend to be.
There are many more people who are more intelligent than I am. Who are better than I am at every single aspect of things that I've felt that I prided myself on. Can program and build computers from scratch? Oh, there's someone from a science-fiction world from the future that can do what you can in seconds. Have decent enough analysis skills? Oh, there's someone who sees more than you can - who knows more than you can - and can figure things out a lot faster.
[ There's a bit of a dismissive wave of her hand, clear that it's honestly not that important.
Not to him, anyway. ]
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was yelled at about this.
But truthfully, I don't really care if they do. This is my decision, not theirs. I'm the one who gets to make the choice on what I do, how I feel.
You need to be able to trust someone. You never know if you can trust someone unless you open yourself up to potential pain. And I want to be able to trust you. But I'm not going to do so blindly. Because you've already hurt people that I care about.
Even so, you still want to help everyone. And I think for now, that's enough for me to want to grab onto.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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So no, that wasn't me.
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[ YELLS AT HIM in frustration ]
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Who said that I was talking about someone from this game, Dazai?
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But your denial is kind of cute, you know. Why are you insisting so hard that you're not the person of that description, hmm? It's true that I didn't know about Dazai being the one to run this game - but I got that description from someone outside of it, before it even started, and he probably doesn't even know that I have it.
And you said 'barring two people', right? I~ wonder~ who those people are~
[ She sounds so pleased with herself. She doesn't even care if she's wrong or not at this point; she's getting a lot of information out of him that she didn't expect to get.
And it's actually interesting tidbits, too. ]
One of them can't possibly be Karen, right?
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[He's going to step over to his door, though, and just casually lock it.]
But now you're making me curious. Just who is this 'someone' you know, hmm?
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[ Although her dark gaze shifts towards the door and how he locks it. ]
The one who described that person like that? Why should I tell you who he is? I don't benefit from it.
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[With the door locked, he's going to head over to his desk so he can rummage around his his drawer for something for a minute. He's more focused on his task, but he's still talking to Inaba as he looks down.]
Hmm~ I suppose you're right there. Keeping your information sources secret is probably for the best.
Say, Ina-bun, did you know that this room is soundproofed?
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[ She has a good reason for it, but she is absolutely keeping an eye on him, watching for any suspicious movement. ]
. . . I had a guess, given that the room didn't have any cameras.
What, you're not going to kill me, are you?
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[Yep it's a gun. He's getting a fucking gun.]
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is immediately doing her a huge concern but she isn't running away ]
Am I allowed to ask why?
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I invited you to go looking for evidence because I figured you wouldn't find anything useful and you would just get bored with it. And while you still haven't found anything- your assumptions are wrong, by the way- your smug self-satisfaction with your sub-par detective skills is going to get the wrong people to actually look at me. And I'm not going to die with my work unfinished because you were too stupid to listen when you were told to leave something alone.
[And now he's stepping away from the desk to point the gun right at her.]
Just be grateful she is here to collect your soul, so you won't be gone for good. Consider this your 'time out' until the end of the game.
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Then you don't deserve him.
[ She doesn't move, but her eyes still narrow at him, absolutely furious. ]
So go ahead: don't fucking hesitate. If you want to kill me, do it, you coward.
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[And he shoots at her.
It's a goddamn pellet gun. Enjoy paint splotches on you, Inaba.]
1 / 2
She expects it to come. It's not the first time she's died, but it would have been the worst death that she's experienced so far. It probably doesn't help that it's a gun- how ironic is that? Dying to a gun? ]
2 / 2; cw suicidal ideation imagery
And she's feeling a mixture of emotions there - is she relieved? is she upset? is she torn up about it?
None of those emotions come into play as the shock widdles down into something entirely different. ]
You fucking morooooon!! Idiot! Imbecile! Dumbass!! Do you fucking think that none of us are cowards either? Hah? Do you?! You're really stupid, aren't you? You say that you decided to do something like that and assume things about me when you, and everyone else in this fucking House knows nothing about me!
You don't bother to actually talk to people. That's your fucking problem. You're too scared to open up to people and communicate with them, so that's why you don't get close to anyone. Especially even more so now, when you're aware that people might die.
You're so. . . so stupid, you know.
[ Her voice cracks and it sounds like she's about to cry. ]
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He walks over to her and stops right in front of her. The pellet gun is still in his hand, but his finger is off the trigger now.]
Yeah, I know. I'm actually pretty terrified all the time here. I'm scared of being found out and killed by the bigwigs in charge. I'm scared of one of you turning on me and killing me. I'm scared of becoming more like him, because every day I pretend to be a ruthless mafia executive I feel myself falling into that role more easily. I'm scared of losing my actual friends because of everything I'm doing here.
But what scares me the most is the thought of failing my mission here. Because I'm not the only one who pays the price in that case.
And it's just so...frustrating, you know? Because none of you just listen to me. You talk and talk about how I need to accept all of you and make friends and live some happy-go-lucky life or whatever, but then when I actually tell you guys stuff you don't listen.
That makes me regret it all, you know? Like, why should I even try when none of you can do one thing right?
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Becoming more like someone. . . I understand the sentiment, you know.
[ All too well.
All too fucking well. She lets out another sigh, burying her head into her knees. ]
You're so stupid. I can't speak for everyone. I definitely can't. But as for myself, I'm only human, you know?
I'm stubborn, I make mistakes-- I'm prone to them.
[ And then she lifts her head up, her voice still watery. But she tugs her lips into a sad, soft smile. ]
I'm sorry. I already knew that I couldn't do anything right from the beginning. I just wanted to pretend that I could, just a little while longer. Because you're right. All of this is going to effect the others, isn't it? The fates of all the 6350s.
But don't you realize that even when we mess up that we just get back on our feet and try again? I can't fix my past mistakes. But I can. . . at the very least start from here. You can't just do this alone. It'll just make things worse.
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[Does he want to trust people? Yes, he does.
But it's so, so hard to trust. Especially when so much is on the line. His fear is getting the better of him, and it's making him indecisive.]
I just tricked you into thinking I was going to shoot you, and now you want me to rely on you?
[Let's start there, then.]
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[ She looks at him with serious eyes even through those tears of hers, because she knows what it's like. She knows exactly what it's like to want to trust people and find it difficult to do exactly that. ]
To be honest, I. . . need to apologize to you, for a lot. Whenever I came in here to visit, even if I didn't mean to, I shoved so many expectations onto you. I didn't want to do that again to someone else. And you were helping me and warning me about things and I fucked up.
[ She folds her hands in front of her in clenched fists, her breaths shaky.
But she's not crying anymore. Inaba didn't cry for herself. No, she-- ]
But also, I. . . understand what it's like to have to pretend to be someone that you're not. I understand what it's like to not be able to trust anyone because you're afraid that they're going to stab you in the back. I understand what it's like to be stabbed in the back because someone you trusted betrayed you.
It doesn't have to be me, but you need to rely on something. On someone. It can be anything.
But if you carry all of these burdens by yourself, on your own? Do you really think that you're going to save the 6350s from getting executed? Do you honestly believe that you'll be able to save anyone?
[ . . .
She lowers her face, her expression crestfallen. ]
I want to get through to you. I want to see who the 'real you' is, without having to hide behind mask after mask after mask. It's foolish of me to want to trust you, even after you've lied so much.
But every single goddamn time I learn more about the cracks beneath that mask of yours...
It's like looking into a goddamn mirror, you know.
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[...]
I'm not sure I like being apologized to by someone I just shot.
[With a paint gun, admittedly, but still.
He's also going to lean against his desk now, half-sitting on it.]
Trusting someone who just tried to kill you... That sounds exactly like the kind of stupid thing I would do, and then I would get yelled at for it.
I'm not going to yell at you over it, by the way, but expect like everyone else to instead.
[Yeah, he's kind of avoiding the meat of what she said as much as he can. It's sitting heavy on his mind far more than he wants to admit.]
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[ She says those words in a way that almost seems like a joke, but she's is absolutely serious. ]
I already told you, didn't I? I had feelings for the person who killed me. I'm really not that smart, even if I pretend to be.
There are many more people who are more intelligent than I am. Who are better than I am at every single aspect of things that I've felt that I prided myself on. Can program and build computers from scratch? Oh, there's someone from a science-fiction world from the future that can do what you can in seconds. Have decent enough analysis skills? Oh, there's someone who sees more than you can - who knows more than you can - and can figure things out a lot faster.
[ There's a bit of a dismissive wave of her hand, clear that it's honestly not that important.
Not to him, anyway. ]
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was yelled at about this.
But truthfully, I don't really care if they do. This is my decision, not theirs. I'm the one who gets to make the choice on what I do, how I feel.
You need to be able to trust someone. You never know if you can trust someone unless you open yourself up to potential pain. And I want to be able to trust you. But I'm not going to do so blindly. Because you've already hurt people that I care about.
Even so, you still want to help everyone. And I think for now, that's enough for me to want to grab onto.
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