scp r4 ♥ dazai catch-all

[dereban]

[ blanket cw for suicidal ideation ]

Comments

[guileturncoat]

Of course not! I'm supposed to be the one sweeping everyone off their feet, not the other way around!

[Things Doezai is not ready to admit to yet: he actually has some pretty compelling bottom energy.]

[dereban]

Ah, is that so. . .

[ She leans in a little closer, brushing a strand of hair over her ear as she lowers her voice to a mere whisper. ]

Then let me see you try a little harder.

[guileturncoat]

[See, that's the fatal flaw. Because seeing Inaba like that flusters him more, and he takes the instruction to 'sweep her off her feet' literally. And just fukken. Picks her up.

And then hobbles like two steps over to the couch before promptly dropping her and eating shit against the floor, bouncing his head off the couch as he falls. He managed to trip over his own dumb feet.]

[dereban]

[ Oh my god.

She finds herself surprised the moment he picks her up and even more so when... that happens and that's enough for her to look over him with traces of concern in her eyes. ]

Um, are you. . . okay?

[guileturncoat]

Leave me here to die....

[Said face down into the carpet with as much shame as it deserves.]

[dereban]

You stupid idiot. Here, let me help you up.

[ She moves a little bit to put her hand out for him to grab. Please let her pull him up onto the couch. ]

[guileturncoat]

[He is dead weight right now.]

Nooooo, I gotta grow mushrooms here on the floor now....

[dereban]

I can't believe you. You try and impress someone and then subsequently ate shit.

I haven't seen someone eat that much crap since—

[ And that's when she stops herself, midsentence in sudden realization. ]

Ugh.

[guileturncoat]

...

[...

A snort of amusement can be heard from Dazai's place on the carpet.]

[dereban]

Don't laugh at me you stupid moron! You're actually a huge fucking bottom, aren't you?! Maybe I should call you Uke-san from now on!

[guileturncoat]

That's stupid! I like girls, how can a guy bottom to a girl?

[This nerd is apparently Painfully Vanilla.]

[dereban]

. . .have you seen Oda and Saki? He's totally whipped and bottoms to a girl! Hell, I totally bet he fucking bottomed to Giriko and you know it.

[guileturncoat]

...is this a bad time to admit I'm a virgin and all I know about sex is what I learned in health class plus some stuff from memes on the internet?

[dereban]

I'm not even surprised. Well, it's not like I've gotten some, either, in spite of wanting to, but I probably know more than you, vanilla boy.

[guileturncoat]

...you need to stop reading doujin, Inaba-san.

also ig nsfw talk escalates from here......

[dereban]

I can't help that I need material because I can't screw anyone!

[guileturncoat]

Don't you have two boyfriends??? Screw one of them!

[dereban]

Atsushi literally can't bang anyone because he starts to go tiger, and Ichigo is barely around anymore. . .

[guileturncoat]

Wow.

I'm sorry.

[dereban]

[ She sighs a little bit, pinching the bridge of her nose and shaking her head.

Maybe she should move away from this topic before she gets too sad— ]

By the way, I almost forgot. I wanted to thank you for earlier.

[guileturncoat]

Ah, so you figured it out?

[She was holding the cup, so it had to be obvious for her.]

[dereban]

It was obvious.

[ She answers quietly, not looking at him directly. ]

. . . Why did you do it?

[guileturncoat]

Because I didn't want you to die.

[dereban]

. . . why?

[ She's going to press on to that matter because it's important to her. The reason besides not wanting her to die. ]

[guileturncoat]

Because you are my friend, and I value you as a person.