[ She sees that expression, but she does reach out to stroke his hair a little bit. Inaba was never close to the older people in the Foundation -- she had issues with them in the past and not many of them trusted her, even when she was doing good work.
It was a pain, sometimes. ]
Mm, of course. Don't push yourself anymore today, alright?
[Atsushi lets out a long, slow breath as her hand strokes his hair, shifting to rest his head on his crossed arms where he lay. He feels pathetic honestly, and not all of that is the poison.
what good was his ability if he couldn't use it to save those in front of him, only himself?]
You did enough, Atsushi. You shouldn't think that way, it isn't going to help anyone, especially not any of us. It couldn't be helped. I think that things might have gone worse if you didn't do what you did.
You always try your best. You always push yourself so hard--
[ And it makes her heart twist because she knows so many people that are like that. ]
You risked your life on the chance that could have failed. And you--
[ She stops herself.
Her voice cracks and she shakes her head. No, she doesn't deserve to say that to him. ]
George was right there Inaba-chan. You know I could have survived that, if I'd just...
[If he'd broken the rules. If he'd been allowed to volunteer.
But he couldn't blame 'Dazai' for that, because he knew the stakes he was playing with. He was risking his life every moment of this game, and Atsushi...
He couldn't do nearly enough.]
...It's not enough, if I can't even save the people in front of me. My ability practically lets me cheat, but it's still not enough.
[He notices the way she cuts herself off, but he's not sure what she's trying to say.]
[ Her voice raises a little bit out of frustration and her hands just ball by her sides, angry, upset.
There's so much that she wants to say, that she wants to tell him, but knows that she can't-- ]
You think I don't?! But you can't keep saying things like this! Because how do you think I feel, huh? I can't do crap. I can't save anyone, I don't have any abilities that can do anything to help other people, but you--
You have the potential to save others, to help them! Even if you couldn't do much today, that doesn't mean that it wasn't for nothing! I could have died on Wednesday because I'm helpless and weak and powerless. I can't even save myself if that cup had been filled with poison!
And there's still so much more that you can do that I just can't, Atsushi. Can't you see that?
Atsushi hadn't been thinking, about how powerless Inaba might feel, and now there's a different sort of guilt brewing in his chest. How cruel was he that he hadn't--
But she was wrong, in a way.]
Inaba-chan, you might not have an ability, but you have knowledge. You have your mind. You're clever, you're worldly, and you know so many things... You've saved us with your ability to think things through plenty of times. I don't think any of the trivia we've had to answer could have been solved without you. You've been helping save all of us. Me included.
[Atsushi knew he wasn't that knowledgeable. It was fine by him, he was learning, always learning. But he knew he tended to rely on clever people, like Dazai, Kyouka and Kunikida, Saki and Inaba.]
I-I'm sorry, though. I didn't realize.... it was thoughtless of me, to say things like that... I wasn't thinking.
[ Her shoulders sag a little bit and in the end she wears a rather bitter smile after it all. ]
To be honest, a lot of what I know is to protect myself.
[ She's so, so weak, so if she knows more information than anybody else, that's when she can actually be useful. Because otherwise, she isn't worth anything, and she knows it.
And that would make people abandon her. ]
I only know so much trivia because I had a phase and that. . . kind of didn't leave me, here.
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[ and there's some pessimism there that makes her frown ]
I'm sure we'll find a way to figure things out. There's still hope.
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It should have been him, beneath that chandelier. George didn't deserve that sort of horrific end.]
...Right... We've just got to keep going, fighting as hard as we can.
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It was a pain, sometimes. ]
Mm, of course. Don't push yourself anymore today, alright?
[ Like she's one to talk.
She's volunteered twice this week. ]
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what good was his ability if he couldn't use it to save those in front of him, only himself?]
I wish I could have done more.
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You always try your best. You always push yourself so hard--
[ And it makes her heart twist because she knows so many people that are like that. ]
You risked your life on the chance that could have failed. And you--
[ She stops herself.
Her voice cracks and she shakes her head. No, she doesn't deserve to say that to him. ]
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[If he'd broken the rules. If he'd been allowed to volunteer.
But he couldn't blame 'Dazai' for that, because he knew the stakes he was playing with. He was risking his life every moment of this game, and Atsushi...
He couldn't do nearly enough.]
...It's not enough, if I can't even save the people in front of me. My ability practically lets me cheat, but it's still not enough.
[He notices the way she cuts herself off, but he's not sure what she's trying to say.]
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[ Her voice raises a little bit out of frustration and her hands just ball by her sides, angry, upset.
There's so much that she wants to say, that she wants to tell him, but knows that she can't-- ]
You think I don't?! But you can't keep saying things like this! Because how do you think I feel, huh? I can't do crap. I can't save anyone, I don't have any abilities that can do anything to help other people, but you--
You have the potential to save others, to help them! Even if you couldn't do much today, that doesn't mean that it wasn't for nothing! I could have died on Wednesday because I'm helpless and weak and powerless. I can't even save myself if that cup had been filled with poison!
And there's still so much more that you can do that I just can't, Atsushi. Can't you see that?
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Atsushi hadn't been thinking, about how powerless Inaba might feel, and now there's a different sort of guilt brewing in his chest. How cruel was he that he hadn't--
But she was wrong, in a way.]
Inaba-chan, you might not have an ability, but you have knowledge. You have your mind. You're clever, you're worldly, and you know so many things... You've saved us with your ability to think things through plenty of times. I don't think any of the trivia we've had to answer could have been solved without you. You've been helping save all of us. Me included.
[Atsushi knew he wasn't that knowledgeable. It was fine by him, he was learning, always learning. But he knew he tended to rely on clever people, like Dazai, Kyouka and Kunikida, Saki and Inaba.]
I-I'm sorry, though. I didn't realize.... it was thoughtless of me, to say things like that... I wasn't thinking.
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To be honest, a lot of what I know is to protect myself.
[ She's so, so weak, so if she knows more information than anybody else, that's when she can actually be useful. Because otherwise, she isn't worth anything, and she knows it.
And that would make people abandon her. ]
I only know so much trivia because I had a phase and that. . . kind of didn't leave me, here.