scp r4 ♥ atsushi catch-all

[dereban]

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[scarsnstripes]

[It has to end sometime. In all honesty, he shouldn't have let it happen at all, for... a lot of reasons. But this week has been...

A lot as well. He lets his eyes fall closed, his voice equally soft when he responds.]

I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have done that. Not right now.

[dereban]

It's not your fault.

[ her words are quick, hurried and immediate. ]

I'm the one to blame. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine.

[ why can't she just... shut her feelings, like she did before? it was so easy back then.

she was planning on pretending to be Dazai, too.

if she did that, for even just a moment, she'd have to conceal them.

so why... couldn't she do that now? ]

[scarsnstripes]

It's hard, I know. But it's not just your fault. I'm carrying half the blame here, too.

[After all this time... the stress was getting to him. He's reluctant to unwind his arms from around her, but he eventually slowly disentangles himself, leaning back to rest against the wall with clear hesitation on his face.]

But as much as I'd like to just forget, to cling to you... I can't. It would be too selfish of me.

[Really, did he even Deserve this chance? After all...

Goro died last week because he'd touched him. Kissed him.]

[dereban]

It's lonely.

[ it's a hard admission.

one that she finds herself difficult to even say aloud, even now. ]

I wouldn't have minded if you were selfish. I wouldn't have cared.

[ that's... such a cruel thing to say, isn't it? but it's the truth. she's not going to lie to him. ]

I would have been fine with that and accepted it!

[ it's only when she says those words, fraught with pain and sorrow that her eyes open again and there's tears welling up in her eyes. ]

I wouldn't have said no. Not. . . not to you. Tha's why I said I was a monster before. And I still-- [ her voice cracks, just slight. ] I still am.