scp r4 ♥ saki catch-all

[dereban]

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[allmyfriendsaredead]

That doesn't make it right. It never will.

[There's definitely a story behind it, but not one she's going to share if she can help it.]

I will repeat it as many times as you need to hear. You deserve to live, Inaba. And if anyone tells you that you don't, they'r wrong.

[dereban]

. . . You're right.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

[She relaxes, but only slightly.]

...I'll see what we can do about helping you stay safe, too.

[She looks away, expression melancholy, but thoughtful.]

It... might feel bad, having to rely so much on others, but please put up with it for now.

[She speaks from her own experience.]

[dereban]

. . .

[ There's a pause, and then- ]

Thank you.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

It's my job to lead D-class, isn't it?

[And she's taking that very seriously, even if others in the Foundation don't.]

...I suppose I just know what it's like to be in a similar position. I hated it back then too, but in the end, the only reason I'm alive right now is because others were able to look out for me when I was powerless to defend myself.

[dereban]

To lead D-class, huh. Most people don't exactly do a good job of that. Then again, most people don't really care.

[ She says that rather dryly and matter-of-factly. ]

Honestly, I'm just tired of being treated like fodder. And my decision to live was never for myself.

[ She says that openly, something that she's never really told others before. But maybe it's because Saki's not necessarily close to her that it's easy. ]

[allmyfriendsaredead]

[She doesn't have much to retort to the first part - it's true, and it's part of why she wanted so badly to rise in ranks.]

...Do you feel like you have to live for your friends' sakes?

[dereban]

That's right.

[ no hesitation ] That is exactly why I'm still here.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

[...]

Is that a bad thing? Living for the sake of others?

[dereban]

Who knows. It can be, in some cases.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

[She looks up, considering that.]

Maybe it's a difference in culture - I know my Japan is very different from the times here. All of us in the villages live to contribute to our community and make it the best we can.

In the end, maybe the only reason I'm doing what I am is because I feel like that's my duty to improve the lives of everyone as much as I can. But I don't think that's a bad thing, either.

[dereban]

I think in some ways, that isn't a bad thing. Helping each other out. . . improving people's lives. . . it isn't inherently bad.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

Do you think there's a bad side to it?

[dereban]

Of course.

Because if you only think about others, you stop thinking about yourself.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

[...

Saki looks away at that.]

That's the ideal, where I'm from. Although to be honest, I never managed it myself.

[dereban]

Well, I couldn't expect it from a single person.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

[She shoots Inaba a wry smile.]

In my case, I'm probably one of the odd ones out.

We... don't really have the luxury of living entirely for ourselves. The villages are small, and there are all kinds of dangers outside of the Holy Barrier. If it came down to it, we're all prepared to give up our lives if it means saving the villages.

If we didn't, everyone could be wiped out.

[dereban]

Well.

That kind of fucking sucks.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

It does.

I miss how peaceful home was, but I'm sure if I ever told anyone, I'd be chided for it. "You must release yourself from your desires to achieve enlightenment, Saki."

[She tries to imitate an elderly man, most likely a priest. It's a terrible impression.]

[dereban]

. . . That's fucking stupid.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

You think so?

[dereban]

Yes?

[allmyfriendsaredead]

Still, that was all of our lives. It's the only way we could make sure we survived.

[She's smiling, but there's a hint of bitterness to her voice, too.]

Then again, none of us were set on a job to spend the rest of our lives in until we were at least twenty. So if you can't think of something else to live your life for, I think you still have time to decide for yourself.

[dereban]

Well, I do know what job I want for my future, but. . . that's because I've actually seen my future.

[allmyfriendsaredead]

Oh? Did you look into your... "canon?"