Maybe he's been in this world too long that he's felt alone. [ inaba, internally: NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN ] I don't think it's bad. I can't entirely trust him still, though.
He has problems trusting other people, so he keeps them at arms length. It's easier to do that when you don't want to hurt yourself. If you distance yourself from others. . .
. . . if someone dies, then you don't have to feel the pain. So you can only rely on yourself. You can only do things on your own.
[ She says those words seriously, but there's a hint of something understanding there. Like she isn't simply talking about Dazai. ]
He's... good company, really. Did I tell you that he let me borrow some books? I mentioned I found reading calming, and he started pulling books out right then and there.
Well, it's kind of difficult to maintain friends in a place like this-- especially if you're a 6350. Why would you want to make friends when those 'friends' can possibly die at any moment?
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[It was hard to parse, without more context, but Atsushi crosses his arms while his brows furrow.]
What do you think it means?
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[At least, that's what Atsushi's started to think.]
....Do you think it's bad that I trust him?
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[...]
Maybe he's been in this world too long that he's felt alone. [ inaba, internally: NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN ] I don't think it's bad. I can't entirely trust him still, though.
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[He sighs, leaning against a stall.]
....He seems like he wants something, but doesn't trust anyone to help him with it. It's sad. And...
[...He wanted to help him. He didn't want to hurt him.]
...Nothing so far has made me think he wants to see anyone hurt. The opposite, really.
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. . . if someone dies, then you don't have to feel the pain. So you can only rely on yourself. You can only do things on your own.
[ She says those words seriously, but there's a hint of something understanding there. Like she isn't simply talking about Dazai. ]
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[At least, that's what he's getting from all of this.]
I think he probably knows no matter what he says, I probably won't stop visiting him though.
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[He's smiling a little at that.]
He's... good company, really. Did I tell you that he let me borrow some books? I mentioned I found reading calming, and he started pulling books out right then and there.
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[ ... ]
I don't know if I can handle him and sometimes I doubt if I really should continue visiting him.
[ She's still doing it nevertheless, but still. ]
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[He tucks his arms behind him, glancing down at the tile floor with pursed lips.]
...He's different than I imagined too. But I think I get it, a little.
[How people talked about Dazai when he was in the Mafia made him out to be some sort of monster. And yet the Dazai he saw here seemed more like...]
Think about it... He's my age. And he has no friends here.
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It's true, after all. That was a painful risk.]
I suppose that makes sense....
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[ She doesn't know what else to say. What can she say after that? ]
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It does bring to mind something he's wanted to ask about.]
Inaba-chan?
[He's hesitant, but there's a hint of worry in his gaze. He'd been happy to see she seemed better today, but he still...]
About yesterday... Are you ok?
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[ Her answer is immediate and she smiles at him rather brightly. Almost too bright. ]
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[His smile is sad.]
I want to be there for you, if you'll let me.
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[ She seems to be insistent, although her smile softens just slightly. ]
You- [...] You shouldn't.
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[He glances up, bicolored gold and violet gaze sincere.]
Call me an idiot if you like for it, but I care about you. And I want to be there for you, if you'll let me.
[Not just for the other Atsushi out there, probably anxious out of his mind. But because Inaba is someone he cares about as well.]
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You barely know me. We've only known each other a few days.
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cw suicidal ideation
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