[ --and when they're finally there she lets go of him and leans against the closest wall and her expression just shatters. Her shoulders shaking and her eyes watery.
[He holds her close, clutching her tightly as she cries, one hand coming up to gently stroke her hair.
Somehow, he's not surprised at all to know she's been bottling her fears up until she could find time to be alone, away from people and the cameras alike. It fit with everything else he'd seen from her so far. Using humor to hide her fears and other feelings... it reminded him of someone else he knew.]
It's ok... It's ok, you're alive. We're all alive. [They're alive, and as always, it's all Atsushi could hope for. The most important goal of all was surviving.]
And I'll keep holding you until you feel less scared, ok? So cry as much as you like.
Inaba always hid her fears and insecurities behind a mask of confidence, but she wasn't brave at all. She never felt like she was, in spite of how many people having told her that she was actually brave.
She's always felt like a child: terrified and scared of the world. That was only amplified by her trust issues; how she couldn't trust herself, or anyone else.
But here, she wanted to try harder. But it's so hard— ]
Sorry. Sorry. . . I didn't ask you to come here to comfort me.
I know. But I want to comfort you, and I think I need some of that myself. Is it ok if I hold you?
[Maybe it'll be easier, if Inaba knows she's not the only one scared, if for once Atsushi asks and shares. Atsushi's definitely scared... There's a fraught sort of exhaustion heavy in his eyes, because he wasn't a brave person either. On the contrary.
He's probably going to wake up screaming into a pillow again tonight, because he's terrified for himself, for the people he cares about... for what will happen to them if Dazai's plan doesn't work.]
[He'd like that, too. He clutches her to him a little bit tighter, tucking his chin atop her head because she's the perfect height for it. He'll hold her as long as she needs it, until some of that desperation and unease fades for the both of them.]
[Saki often gave hugs, and he'd found they really were calming sometime when things got to be too much. They'd always felt grounding the morning after the full moon.
So it made sense to do this when they were both this stressed and overdrawn emotionally.]
[ She'd say that 'there really isn't anything for you to thank me for, Atsushi', but stops herself before even remotely even opening her mouth to say it. Now's not the time to feel so self-deprecating, and if she wants to move forward, she has to do this. ]
Anyway. Kind of a weird way to segue into this, but. . . I did want to talk to you about Dazai, since I didn't really get the chance to speak to you about him in private.
[ Or at least, the finer details that she didn't want to talk about in front of the cameras. ]
I'm just wondering if you found out anything recently, since there's a lot of things I've been thinking about.
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She looks like she's going to cry any second. ]
That really. . . all was a lot, huh.
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He moves over to her, opening his arms to pull her into another hug.]
I-It was... I was worried that...
[He'd promised. He'd promised himself, he'd promised her, he'd promised him. He'd promised that he'd try to take care of her.
Then Inaba had been dragged up there and he couldn't do anything, it was...]
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[ She's sounding so vulnerable - the most that she's sounded in a long time. Her words are so watery as she clings into him.
She acts so tough, like a shitpost in order to distract others from how she really feels.
And now, away from cameras, she can finally actually cry. ]
This is just like before- when I had a small percent of chance to get lynched- and I managed to live... I was so, so very scared.
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Somehow, he's not surprised at all to know she's been bottling her fears up until she could find time to be alone, away from people and the cameras alike. It fit with everything else he'd seen from her so far. Using humor to hide her fears and other feelings... it reminded him of someone else he knew.]
It's ok... It's ok, you're alive. We're all alive. [They're alive, and as always, it's all Atsushi could hope for. The most important goal of all was surviving.]
And I'll keep holding you until you feel less scared, ok? So cry as much as you like.
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Inaba always hid her fears and insecurities behind a mask of confidence, but she wasn't brave at all. She never felt like she was, in spite of how many people having told her that she was actually brave.
She's always felt like a child: terrified and scared of the world. That was only amplified by her trust issues; how she couldn't trust herself, or anyone else.
But here, she wanted to try harder. But it's so hard— ]
Sorry. Sorry. . . I didn't ask you to come here to comfort me.
[ Even if it's so nice. ]
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[Maybe it'll be easier, if Inaba knows she's not the only one scared, if for once Atsushi asks and shares. Atsushi's definitely scared... There's a fraught sort of exhaustion heavy in his eyes, because he wasn't a brave person either. On the contrary.
He's probably going to wake up screaming into a pillow again tonight, because he's terrified for himself, for the people he cares about... for what will happen to them if Dazai's plan doesn't work.]
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[ If there's desperation in her voice, it's probably a part of your imagination.
She doesn't want to suffer like this alone anymore. And if she can latch onto someone—
She'd like that. ]
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It hasn't even been that long since she's been held like this, but she can't help but relax nevertheless. ]
. . . Thanks.
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So it made sense to do this when they were both this stressed and overdrawn emotionally.]
Thank you, too.
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Anyway. Kind of a weird way to segue into this, but. . . I did want to talk to you about Dazai, since I didn't really get the chance to speak to you about him in private.
[ Or at least, the finer details that she didn't want to talk about in front of the cameras. ]
I'm just wondering if you found out anything recently, since there's a lot of things I've been thinking about.
[ A lot of things. ]