[There's alarm bells going off in the back of Atsushi's head, but he doesn't want to listen to them-- He wants just a few seconds more, just a few moments more of this.
It's not right, it's not fair, but he wants this closeness, this intimacy. There's a muffled "mmmnh' against her mouth, lips pressing against hers feverishly, even a hint of tongue as he clutches her closer, fingers gripping the back of her shirt tightly.
It was cruel, how easy it was to sink into this and forget for a little while. Cruel and so very, very hard to want to resist.]
she didn't know what she expected, exactly, but it sure as hell wasn't this. she can practically feel her heart thumming hard in her chest, letting her body stay flush against his especially as he pulls her in close.
her lips part so easily for him, eager and wanting.
it's just so obvious just how much she really wants this, wants him and she wouldn't stop herself even if she could, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging slightly. ]
[It's still so strange to Atsushi, to be wanted like this. To really be wanted... it was strange, and a little addicting, something he wanted to cling to with all his might.
He slants his lips more firmly against hers, a soft, desperate groan escaping him. He's still not used to kissing though, and there's only so long he can keep going before he has to pull away, gasping for breath and resting his forehead against hers.]
with him clinging onto it, with the desperation. with how he isn't used to kissing yet. when he pulls away from her, she can't help but sigh, satisfied and yet still wanting, her eyes closing shut when she keeps herself close to him as she moves her hands down to his shoulders, staying close.
it's only then when she speaks up, her voice soft. ]
It's hard, I know. But it's not just your fault. I'm carrying half the blame here, too.
[After all this time... the stress was getting to him. He's reluctant to unwind his arms from around her, but he eventually slowly disentangles himself, leaning back to rest against the wall with clear hesitation on his face.]
But as much as I'd like to just forget, to cling to you... I can't. It would be too selfish of me.
[Really, did he even Deserve this chance? After all...
Goro died last week because he'd touched him. Kissed him.]
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It's not right, it's not fair, but he wants this closeness, this intimacy. There's a muffled "mmmnh' against her mouth, lips pressing against hers feverishly, even a hint of tongue as he clutches her closer, fingers gripping the back of her shirt tightly.
It was cruel, how easy it was to sink into this and forget for a little while. Cruel and so very, very hard to want to resist.]
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she didn't know what she expected, exactly, but it sure as hell wasn't this. she can practically feel her heart thumming hard in her chest, letting her body stay flush against his especially as he pulls her in close.
her lips part so easily for him, eager and wanting.
it's just so obvious just how much she really wants this, wants him and she wouldn't stop herself even if she could, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging slightly. ]
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He slants his lips more firmly against hers, a soft, desperate groan escaping him. He's still not used to kissing though, and there's only so long he can keep going before he has to pull away, gasping for breath and resting his forehead against hers.]
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with him clinging onto it, with the desperation. with how he isn't used to kissing yet. when he pulls away from her, she can't help but sigh, satisfied and yet still wanting, her eyes closing shut when she keeps herself close to him as she moves her hands down to his shoulders, staying close.
it's only then when she speaks up, her voice soft. ]
I'm sorry for being so selfish, Atsushi.
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A lot as well. He lets his eyes fall closed, his voice equally soft when he responds.]
I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have done that. Not right now.
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[ her words are quick, hurried and immediate. ]
I'm the one to blame. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine.
[ why can't she just... shut her feelings, like she did before? it was so easy back then.
she was planning on pretending to be Dazai, too.
if she did that, for even just a moment, she'd have to conceal them.
so why... couldn't she do that now? ]
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[After all this time... the stress was getting to him. He's reluctant to unwind his arms from around her, but he eventually slowly disentangles himself, leaning back to rest against the wall with clear hesitation on his face.]
But as much as I'd like to just forget, to cling to you... I can't. It would be too selfish of me.
[Really, did he even Deserve this chance? After all...
Goro died last week because he'd touched him. Kissed him.]
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[ it's a hard admission.
one that she finds herself difficult to even say aloud, even now. ]
I wouldn't have minded if you were selfish. I wouldn't have cared.
[ that's... such a cruel thing to say, isn't it? but it's the truth. she's not going to lie to him. ]
I would have been fine with that and accepted it!
[ it's only when she says those words, fraught with pain and sorrow that her eyes open again and there's tears welling up in her eyes. ]
I wouldn't have said no. Not. . . not to you. Tha's why I said I was a monster before. And I still-- [ her voice cracks, just slight. ] I still am.