I heard that mumble, and I'm going to save both of us the agony and not ask.
[He can learn! As for switching topics, he sighs.]
...Well. [Talking about his memories will be a pretty abrupt mood swing, but. He has to. That's what he's here for.] Where do I even start? There's... a lot I've been having to think through recently.
I guess I'll leave it up to you. Which would you rather me talk about first: the thing that took over, or Crow?
[From his tone of voice, neither of these topics are good.]
[Rean really never needs to know about That secret. He'd probably expire on the spot.
A sigh as he collects himself as well.]
Well... bad news is, I don't have a definitive answer for you. I'm not sure my other self quite knew what it was, either.
I remembered the first time it took over – took my other self over – right when Elliot brought us out of it. I was nine, and my past self's sister – Elise – and I got ambushed by this bear-like monster. I tried to protect her, and it nearly took me out. When I realized how much danger she'd be in if I did, I just...
blacked out.
When I came to, I'd ripped the thing to pieces. There was blood all over the snow, all over the little hatchet I'd brought to cut through branches, and all over me. Elise was crying, and it was because she was afraid of me, not the monster.
[He can't look her in the eye as he recounts all that. He manages to keep his tone more or less even, but Raina knows him better than anyone – she'll be able to pick up the way his voice just slightly wavers, how he's fidgeting, how his brows are knitting together.
He's scared.]
...The good news is that I've been meeting up with Eren. He's trying to help me learn to control it, so that what happened last time doesn't happen again.
[ Raina is quiet as she listens to his recollection, and thankfully she takes it all in with a neutral expression on her features, just simply watching carefully the subtle shifts in how his voice wavers and how he seems to fidget a bit.
And then she goes ahead and reaches out to him from across the table, to put a hand on his arm to tell him that she's there.
She's here for him. ]
Okay, so which do you want to hear from? The words from your sister or the words from a friend that is taking psychology classes?
Then, there's a few things that I should say. It's okay to be scared of what you don't understand or know too much about. Honestly, I'd be scared, too.
[ While her voice might try to be gentle, there's a slight waver there that catches slightly. And he'll feel that her fingers on his arm are trembling a bit, too. ]
Also, as your sister, rather than your friend, I know it's all fiction but maybe if whatever plan Eren has in mind doesn't work, you might want to fall back on a Plan B. There's a lot of anime that cover this sort of thing, so I could suggest that to you to watch it and see if anything they do to solve those sorts of problems might help... Although it's kind of stupid, isn't it?
I do have other things I could suggest that might be helpful off the top of my head based on what you told me, too, if you want to hear those, but that's more of "the friend" talking rather than "your sister". If you want to hear it.
[He notices her trembling, and his response is just to move his arm out from under her hand so that he can take her hand in his.
They'll be scared together.]
Heh... it's not that stupid. This whole thing is already like something straight out of an anime, and it's only going to get more ridiculous from here. Really, at this point, I might as well.
[ Even when she's just as scared as he is, he's still supporting her. It's that kind of thing that makes her believe that he can make it through this, even when they both feel so weak and powerless-- when they both feel so human.
She closes her eyes for a bit, squeezing his hand when it's in her own, to show him that Raina is here for him in spite of those fears. ]
Well, you might want to try meditating on it. It seems that based on the story you told me, and what happened last month... It's a part of you, but also seems to react to darker emotions. I think if you utilize that to try and reach out to it, attempt to understand and accept it instead of running away, it might help.
[ And then she smiles, something a little bitter. ]
Although it's probably a lot easier said than done.
[They are both so human, and this is so far beyond either of them. This isn't something that happens to real people... and yet here they are.
He squeezes her hand back.]
Easier said than done, yes, but... I can't deny you have a point. I think... it's trying to protect people, but some good that does if I don't really have control over it and it's not really capable of discerning friend from foe. [He gives a soft, bitter laugh.] And here I thought that whole Valentine's thing was bad enough. Apparently not.
[And that's when he goes quiet for a moment, squeezing her hand tighter and avoiding her gaze as his face falls. Eventually, he manages a troubled sigh.]
Although... based on something else I remembered during all that. I think I know why it got so violent then, in particular.
[ "Trying to protect people", huh. For a flicker of a second, Raina can't help a rather faint chuckle escape her lips, because that ideal — that concept? It really is like him to have something like that, isn't it?
It suits him. ]
That's true.
[ With a free hand she rests it under her chin, humming rather contemplatively as she mulls it all over in her head. Coming up with ideas to counteract things was always her forte, and even if she's probably the most normal person to get the application, even if she has no powers and abilities - things that she was initially jealous of, but now she'd honestly prefer it this way - Raina thinks that at the very least, she can assist her brother with words of support.
She'll have his back. ]
I wonder... And obviously this is just a guess, so take it with a grain of salt, if it doesn't actually understand the concepts? Like maybe it's something that needs to be taught. [ She laughs a little before running a hand through her bangs. ] Geez, this really does sound stupid, but it's the first thing I thought of. And honestly, Valentine's Day is cancelled. It's the worst holiday now, in my book.
[ Not just because of what Rean did during that time, but because of her memory that she's been keeping from him, too.
When he squeezes her hand a little tighter, she can't help but shift her gaze towards it for a moment before looking back up at him straight, even if she's worried about what he might follow up with. ]
What is it? Does it have something to do with the other thing you were going to talk to me about, or...?
Heh... well, that's the goal. Doesn't hurt to go at it from more than one direction, though, so I'll do my best. The last thing my past self ever wanted was for this thing to hurt someone I loved... and now, all I want is to make sure it never does that – or worse – again.
[But, ah, yes. She's hit the nail on the head, which doesn't surprise him.]
...Yeah.
Back in December, when I first started remembering things, I remembered being in the cockpit of something, staring down a giant blue robot. [A pause, then a scoff.] I told you it only got more anime from there.
But I remembered it – or, rather, who was in it – talking to me, and I remembered how much it hurt to hear how... dead they sounded before they kicked my ass.
And I've been trying ever since to pretend I didn't know exactly who was in there, but there's no denying it anymore. I don't know how or why, but I know Crow betrayed us in our past lives. Even if Crow hadn't confirmed it himself on Retrospec, my memories have.
[And as hard as that was to admit, the next part is clearly harder.]
When you attacked him... I didn't even see you. I was back in that cockpit again, and the two of us were facing off against another robot. Red, this time. Crow went charging forward, it stabbed its tail into the ground...
[He swallows hard, staring down at the table.]
And it came out in front of and went straight through Crow.
["I'm fine! It barely scratched me!" Rean wants to believe those words, but... he'd just be lying to himself again, wouldn't he?]
And all I could think was "not again, never again—" and that's when I lost it.
[ She can't do much. That's something she's absolutely certain about, at least.
But listening to him?
This, she can do. ]
And I get it. Hurting somebody, it—
[ It's subtle, but he'll probably notice how her voice cracks just talking about it; how guilt seems to eat at her as she squeezes his hand a little tighter.
She doesn't want to let go.
Because just thinking about it is terrifying in every right. And she hates just how weak and dependent she truly is. How she wants to cling and not be alone anymore, but feels like she has to be alone because she doesn't deserve people being close to her. Two contradictory thoughts. ]
Anyway, you're probably thinking too much. Honestly, the whole 'past life' memory crap is going to leave you with more questions than answers and you might not even get those answers if your past self doesn't remember it, either. Anyway, I think that part should either be left aside for now or. You could talk to the others about it.
But... [ She smiles at him, just a little fond. ] You really care about him a lot, don't you? Enough that you don't want to lose him. I don't think that's a bad thing. I'll support whatever decision you'll make — ah, unless it's really stupid, then I'll have to intervene.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I'll gladly accept any and all admonishments you give me after the fact.
I won't make you do it until after this, though, if it embarrasses you that much.
[See? He's a good brother!]
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[ Raina sighs a little defeatedly, taking her cell phone from her purse as she takes it out and quickly types out the message.
She's ready to die.
(I'm so sorry she's like this, Rean.) ]
Before he asked me out, he heard a mental thought of mine of me wanting to... do him.
1/?
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7/?
8/done
At least he was polite enough to ask you out first. I... guess.
[Cough.]
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I do, I do. I really don't need to hear what happened next, thanks!
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[He can learn! As for switching topics, he sighs.]
...Well. [Talking about his memories will be a pretty abrupt mood swing, but. He has to. That's what he's here for.] Where do I even start? There's... a lot I've been having to think through recently.
I guess I'll leave it up to you. Which would you rather me talk about first: the thing that took over, or Crow?
[From his tone of voice, neither of these topics are good.]
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[ Although when he does manage to switch topics, she can't help but let out a sigh to try and collect herself in hopes that at least she can listen.
Switching comes naturally to her, at least. ]
But okay. Let's go with the thing that took over, because I want to know what that is first.
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A sigh as he collects himself as well.]
Well... bad news is, I don't have a definitive answer for you. I'm not sure my other self quite knew what it was, either.
I remembered the first time it took over – took my other self over – right when Elliot brought us out of it. I was nine, and my past self's sister – Elise – and I got ambushed by this bear-like monster. I tried to protect her, and it nearly took me out. When I realized how much danger she'd be in if I did, I just...
blacked out.
When I came to, I'd ripped the thing to pieces. There was blood all over the snow, all over the little hatchet I'd brought to cut through branches, and all over me. Elise was crying, and it was because she was afraid of me, not the monster.
[He can't look her in the eye as he recounts all that. He manages to keep his tone more or less even, but Raina knows him better than anyone – she'll be able to pick up the way his voice just slightly wavers, how he's fidgeting, how his brows are knitting together.
He's scared.]
...The good news is that I've been meeting up with Eren. He's trying to help me learn to control it, so that what happened last time doesn't happen again.
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[ Raina is quiet as she listens to his recollection, and thankfully she takes it all in with a neutral expression on her features, just simply watching carefully the subtle shifts in how his voice wavers and how he seems to fidget a bit.
And then she goes ahead and reaches out to him from across the table, to put a hand on his arm to tell him that she's there.
She's here for him. ]
Okay, so which do you want to hear from? The words from your sister or the words from a friend that is taking psychology classes?
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Ideally, my sister. That is who I came out to talk to, after all.
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[ While her voice might try to be gentle, there's a slight waver there that catches slightly. And he'll feel that her fingers on his arm are trembling a bit, too. ]
Also, as your sister, rather than your friend, I know it's all fiction but maybe if whatever plan Eren has in mind doesn't work, you might want to fall back on a Plan B. There's a lot of anime that cover this sort of thing, so I could suggest that to you to watch it and see if anything they do to solve those sorts of problems might help... Although it's kind of stupid, isn't it?
I do have other things I could suggest that might be helpful off the top of my head based on what you told me, too, if you want to hear those, but that's more of "the friend" talking rather than "your sister". If you want to hear it.
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They'll be scared together.]
Heh... it's not that stupid. This whole thing is already like something straight out of an anime, and it's only going to get more ridiculous from here. Really, at this point, I might as well.
I'm willing to hear whatever you have, though.
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She closes her eyes for a bit, squeezing his hand when it's in her own, to show him that Raina is here for him in spite of those fears. ]
Well, you might want to try meditating on it. It seems that based on the story you told me, and what happened last month... It's a part of you, but also seems to react to darker emotions. I think if you utilize that to try and reach out to it, attempt to understand and accept it instead of running away, it might help.
[ And then she smiles, something a little bitter. ]
Although it's probably a lot easier said than done.
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He squeezes her hand back.]
Easier said than done, yes, but... I can't deny you have a point. I think... it's trying to protect people, but some good that does if I don't really have control over it and it's not really capable of discerning friend from foe. [He gives a soft, bitter laugh.] And here I thought that whole Valentine's thing was bad enough. Apparently not.
[And that's when he goes quiet for a moment, squeezing her hand tighter and avoiding her gaze as his face falls. Eventually, he manages a troubled sigh.]
Although... based on something else I remembered during all that. I think I know why it got so violent then, in particular.
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It suits him. ]
That's true.
[ With a free hand she rests it under her chin, humming rather contemplatively as she mulls it all over in her head. Coming up with ideas to counteract things was always her forte, and even if she's probably the most normal person to get the application, even if she has no powers and abilities - things that she was initially jealous of, but now she'd honestly prefer it this way - Raina thinks that at the very least, she can assist her brother with words of support.
She'll have his back. ]
I wonder... And obviously this is just a guess, so take it with a grain of salt, if it doesn't actually understand the concepts? Like maybe it's something that needs to be taught. [ She laughs a little before running a hand through her bangs. ] Geez, this really does sound stupid, but it's the first thing I thought of. And honestly, Valentine's Day is cancelled. It's the worst holiday now, in my book.
[ Not just because of what Rean did during that time, but because of her memory that she's been keeping from him, too.
When he squeezes her hand a little tighter, she can't help but shift her gaze towards it for a moment before looking back up at him straight, even if she's worried about what he might follow up with. ]
What is it? Does it have something to do with the other thing you were going to talk to me about, or...?
CS2 ENDGAME SPOILERS
[But, ah, yes. She's hit the nail on the head, which doesn't surprise him.]
...Yeah.
Back in December, when I first started remembering things, I remembered being in the cockpit of something, staring down a giant blue robot. [A pause, then a scoff.] I told you it only got more anime from there.
But I remembered it – or, rather, who was in it – talking to me, and I remembered how much it hurt to hear how... dead they sounded before they kicked my ass.
And I've been trying ever since to pretend I didn't know exactly who was in there, but there's no denying it anymore. I don't know how or why, but I know Crow betrayed us in our past lives. Even if Crow hadn't confirmed it himself on Retrospec, my memories have.
[And as hard as that was to admit, the next part is clearly harder.]
When you attacked him... I didn't even see you. I was back in that cockpit again, and the two of us were facing off against another robot. Red, this time. Crow went charging forward, it stabbed its tail into the ground...
[He swallows hard, staring down at the table.]
And it came out in front of and went straight through Crow.
["I'm fine! It barely scratched me!" Rean wants to believe those words, but... he'd just be lying to himself again, wouldn't he?]
And all I could think was "not again, never again—" and that's when I lost it.
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[ She can't do much. That's something she's absolutely certain about, at least.
But listening to him?
This, she can do. ]
And I get it. Hurting somebody, it—
[ It's subtle, but he'll probably notice how her voice cracks just talking about it; how guilt seems to eat at her as she squeezes his hand a little tighter.
She doesn't want to let go.
Because just thinking about it is terrifying in every right. And she hates just how weak and dependent she truly is. How she wants to cling and not be alone anymore, but feels like she has to be alone because she doesn't deserve people being close to her. Two contradictory thoughts. ]
Anyway, you're probably thinking too much. Honestly, the whole 'past life' memory crap is going to leave you with more questions than answers and you might not even get those answers if your past self doesn't remember it, either. Anyway, I think that part should either be left aside for now or. You could talk to the others about it.
But... [ She smiles at him, just a little fond. ] You really care about him a lot, don't you? Enough that you don't want to lose him. I don't think that's a bad thing. I'll support whatever decision you'll make — ah, unless it's really stupid, then I'll have to intervene.
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