scp r4 ♥ atsushi catch-all

[dereban]

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[scarsnstripes]

I am. I was just thinking, is all.

[He tilts his head before scooting over, offering her space on the lounge. Admittedly, there's another lounge chair nearby if she prefers to pull that over.]

Did you need something....?

[dereban]

. . .

[ She will take that separate seat, taking a deep breath and slapping her cheeks together. ]

Yeah. I wanted to talk about Dazai, actually.

[scarsnstripes]

About Dazai-san...? What about him?

[Well, that's got his attention. Why is she slapping her cheeks like that...?]

[dereban]

I'm just kind of confused, when I talk to him. He's kind of kicked me out of the room in some of the conversations I've had with him and it makes me feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong.

[scarsnstripes]

Kicked you out....? What did you say to him?

[He seems surprised at that. Maybe he's just been lucky, but Dazai always seemed happy to have visitors so far.]

[dereban]

Come with me.

[ She says that with full confidence and she just grabs him by the wrist. ]

[scarsnstripes]

Eh?!

[Well, he’s probably going to have to get used to being tugged around by Inaba so... he’ll follow without protest.]

[dereban]

[ TO THE BATHROOMS--- ]

Okay. Sorry, it's better to talk about it here. But he was talking about how I was being needlessly serious in that room, when we were both aware that there's no cameras around. And I told him that-- "you say that as if I would ever let up around you" and he.

He made a face. He was. . . shocked, maybe? For a moment. Before telling me that it wouldn't be good for me to. I then asked him why he would make that sort of expression and-

He just said "just because". What bullshit, right?

[scarsnstripes]

It wouldn't be good for you to be needlessly serious? Or...?

[He's frowning, though, because it sounds odd. Like Dazai was panicking, or something...]

[dereban]

He specifically said "Because we're not in front of any cameras here, you don't have to be Ms. 'serious and going to be the mom of the group' in this room."

So probably the former.

[scarsnstripes]

Odd...

[It was hard to parse, without more context, but Atsushi crosses his arms while his brows furrow.]

What do you think it means?

[dereban]

I don't know. I think. . . he wanted me to relax around him, in that room because there's no cameras there.

[scarsnstripes]

....Maybe. He does seem lonely.

[At least, that's what Atsushi's started to think.]

....Do you think it's bad that I trust him?

[dereban]

. . . He's just like-

[...]

Maybe he's been in this world too long that he's felt alone. [ inaba, internally: NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN ] I don't think it's bad. I can't entirely trust him still, though.

[scarsnstripes]

I just...

[He sighs, leaning against a stall.]

....He seems like he wants something, but doesn't trust anyone to help him with it. It's sad. And...

[...He wanted to help him. He didn't want to hurt him.]

...Nothing so far has made me think he wants to see anyone hurt. The opposite, really.

[dereban]

He has problems trusting other people, so he keeps them at arms length. It's easier to do that when you don't want to hurt yourself. If you distance yourself from others. . .

. . . if someone dies, then you don't have to feel the pain. So you can only rely on yourself. You can only do things on your own.

[ She says those words seriously, but there's a hint of something understanding there. Like she isn't simply talking about Dazai. ]

[scarsnstripes]

He does. I think he's afraid actually.

[At least, that's what he's getting from all of this.]

I think he probably knows no matter what he says, I probably won't stop visiting him though.

[dereban]

Well, good, because you should.

[scarsnstripes]

Heh.

[He's smiling a little at that.]

He's... good company, really. Did I tell you that he let me borrow some books? I mentioned I found reading calming, and he started pulling books out right then and there.

[dereban]

Well he's not terrible company, but. . . he reminds me too much of-

[ ... ]

I don't know if I can handle him and sometimes I doubt if I really should continue visiting him.

[ She's still doing it nevertheless, but still. ]

[scarsnstripes]

Handle him....? What did he do?

[dereban]

No, it's more that. . . he confuses me.

[scarsnstripes]

I think that's a thing he does regardless of age, really... but how so?

[dereban]

I guess he's not. . . what I expected of him. Not from that point in time.

[scarsnstripes]

I.... suppose that's fair, honestly.

[He tucks his arms behind him, glancing down at the tile floor with pursed lips.]

...He's different than I imagined too. But I think I get it, a little.

[How people talked about Dazai when he was in the Mafia made him out to be some sort of monster. And yet the Dazai he saw here seemed more like...]

Think about it... He's my age. And he has no friends here.