[ okay, but his stuttering makes her want to tease him about it, and well.
she doesn't care whether he's wet or not, she's going to grab his arm into her own, wrapping it gently as she leans against him, pressing up against his side. ]
Tell me what you've been thinking of then, Atsushi.
[ she might have lowered her voice a little to sound a little more sultry. ]
He is not prepared for this at all. His voice comes out as a crack for a moment, mouth opening and closing wordlessly as she presses up against him, speaks like that--]
....K-Kissing... mostly... And holding you, and...
[ she's very much aware there are microphones and honestly, she can't bring herself to care much. but he says that and she just can't help herself as she moves her hand to the side of his face and then a little higher to tangle through his hair.
because, well.
he mentioned kissing, didn't he?
that means she's actually going to go for it, leaning in close to actually kiss him. ]
[Atsushi seems relieved for a moment, because this conversation was getting to be way too much for his poor nerves.
Of course, then Inaba has to press even closer, and there's fingers in his hair and it feels good and--
Oh, her lips are so warm. He's melting for a moment, a choking noise somewhere between a needy whine and a protest dying somewhere between them. It sounds downright indecent, and that's just from a kiss.
His self restrain and nerves are already fraying this week, which is why his hands are coming up, one to wrap around her waist, the other around her back-- fingers sliding up along the back of her neck, sinking gently into her hair.]
[ the noises that Atsushi makes are music to her ears. and she can't help but make her own sounds of desperation. it's needy and she wants to latch onto this because it's making her forget about her worries momentarily.
she doesn't care about the indecency or the fact that the microphones could probably pick up on this.
she doesn't care that he's so close and has his hands on her.
she just wants to sink into this moment. just a little while longer, even if she knows that this can't possibly last. ]
[There's alarm bells going off in the back of Atsushi's head, but he doesn't want to listen to them-- He wants just a few seconds more, just a few moments more of this.
It's not right, it's not fair, but he wants this closeness, this intimacy. There's a muffled "mmmnh' against her mouth, lips pressing against hers feverishly, even a hint of tongue as he clutches her closer, fingers gripping the back of her shirt tightly.
It was cruel, how easy it was to sink into this and forget for a little while. Cruel and so very, very hard to want to resist.]
she didn't know what she expected, exactly, but it sure as hell wasn't this. she can practically feel her heart thumming hard in her chest, letting her body stay flush against his especially as he pulls her in close.
her lips part so easily for him, eager and wanting.
it's just so obvious just how much she really wants this, wants him and she wouldn't stop herself even if she could, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging slightly. ]
[It's still so strange to Atsushi, to be wanted like this. To really be wanted... it was strange, and a little addicting, something he wanted to cling to with all his might.
He slants his lips more firmly against hers, a soft, desperate groan escaping him. He's still not used to kissing though, and there's only so long he can keep going before he has to pull away, gasping for breath and resting his forehead against hers.]
with him clinging onto it, with the desperation. with how he isn't used to kissing yet. when he pulls away from her, she can't help but sigh, satisfied and yet still wanting, her eyes closing shut when she keeps herself close to him as she moves her hands down to his shoulders, staying close.
it's only then when she speaks up, her voice soft. ]
It's hard, I know. But it's not just your fault. I'm carrying half the blame here, too.
[After all this time... the stress was getting to him. He's reluctant to unwind his arms from around her, but he eventually slowly disentangles himself, leaning back to rest against the wall with clear hesitation on his face.]
But as much as I'd like to just forget, to cling to you... I can't. It would be too selfish of me.
[Really, did he even Deserve this chance? After all...
Goro died last week because he'd touched him. Kissed him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
okay marking this as nsfw talk now dear god why
but that's probably not a bad thing, in her mind. the redness doesn't seem to fade away from her cheeks, but at least she sounds a little calmer. ]
I have.
Even before I properly met you.
[ oh my god.
this is terrible. the worst. she rubs at the nape of her neck, suddenly glad she is just wearing her high school uniform now...just end her. ]
But, um.
You have...? Really?
[ she kind of wants to hear more, how did this happen. ]
gosh yeah
[Even before? Inaba your thirst knows no bounds, doesn't it--
He feels like he needs to just dunk his entire body beneath the shower spray at this question, but he refrains for the moment.]
...A little bit, yes. N-not that I'd get any ideas, I swear! Or at least not Idea ideas!
[It's said very, very quickly, his tone flustered and hurried. Atsushi really???]
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she doesn't care whether he's wet or not, she's going to grab his arm into her own, wrapping it gently as she leans against him, pressing up against his side. ]
Tell me what you've been thinking of then, Atsushi.
[ she might have lowered her voice a little to sound a little more sultry. ]
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Don't do this to him???
He is not prepared for this at all. His voice comes out as a crack for a moment, mouth opening and closing wordlessly as she presses up against him, speaks like that--]
....K-Kissing... mostly... And holding you, and...
[And...]
Inaba-chan, I can't talk about this here!!!
[THERE WERE STILL MICROPHONES.]
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[ she's very much aware there are microphones and honestly, she can't bring herself to care much. but he says that and she just can't help herself as she moves her hand to the side of his face and then a little higher to tangle through his hair.
because, well.
he mentioned kissing, didn't he?
that means she's actually going to go for it, leaning in close to actually kiss him. ]
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Of course, then Inaba has to press even closer, and there's fingers in his hair and it feels good and--
Oh, her lips are so warm. He's melting for a moment, a choking noise somewhere between a needy whine and a protest dying somewhere between them. It sounds downright indecent, and that's just from a kiss.
His self restrain and nerves are already fraying this week, which is why his hands are coming up, one to wrap around her waist, the other around her back-- fingers sliding up along the back of her neck, sinking gently into her hair.]
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she doesn't care about the indecency or the fact that the microphones could probably pick up on this.
she doesn't care that he's so close and has his hands on her.
she just wants to sink into this moment. just a little while longer, even if she knows that this can't possibly last. ]
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It's not right, it's not fair, but he wants this closeness, this intimacy. There's a muffled "mmmnh' against her mouth, lips pressing against hers feverishly, even a hint of tongue as he clutches her closer, fingers gripping the back of her shirt tightly.
It was cruel, how easy it was to sink into this and forget for a little while. Cruel and so very, very hard to want to resist.]
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she didn't know what she expected, exactly, but it sure as hell wasn't this. she can practically feel her heart thumming hard in her chest, letting her body stay flush against his especially as he pulls her in close.
her lips part so easily for him, eager and wanting.
it's just so obvious just how much she really wants this, wants him and she wouldn't stop herself even if she could, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging slightly. ]
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He slants his lips more firmly against hers, a soft, desperate groan escaping him. He's still not used to kissing though, and there's only so long he can keep going before he has to pull away, gasping for breath and resting his forehead against hers.]
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with him clinging onto it, with the desperation. with how he isn't used to kissing yet. when he pulls away from her, she can't help but sigh, satisfied and yet still wanting, her eyes closing shut when she keeps herself close to him as she moves her hands down to his shoulders, staying close.
it's only then when she speaks up, her voice soft. ]
I'm sorry for being so selfish, Atsushi.
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A lot as well. He lets his eyes fall closed, his voice equally soft when he responds.]
I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have done that. Not right now.
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[ her words are quick, hurried and immediate. ]
I'm the one to blame. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine.
[ why can't she just... shut her feelings, like she did before? it was so easy back then.
she was planning on pretending to be Dazai, too.
if she did that, for even just a moment, she'd have to conceal them.
so why... couldn't she do that now? ]
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[After all this time... the stress was getting to him. He's reluctant to unwind his arms from around her, but he eventually slowly disentangles himself, leaning back to rest against the wall with clear hesitation on his face.]
But as much as I'd like to just forget, to cling to you... I can't. It would be too selfish of me.
[Really, did he even Deserve this chance? After all...
Goro died last week because he'd touched him. Kissed him.]
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[ it's a hard admission.
one that she finds herself difficult to even say aloud, even now. ]
I wouldn't have minded if you were selfish. I wouldn't have cared.
[ that's... such a cruel thing to say, isn't it? but it's the truth. she's not going to lie to him. ]
I would have been fine with that and accepted it!
[ it's only when she says those words, fraught with pain and sorrow that her eyes open again and there's tears welling up in her eyes. ]
I wouldn't have said no. Not. . . not to you. Tha's why I said I was a monster before. And I still-- [ her voice cracks, just slight. ] I still am.